The Walking Ted- A HIMYM Zombie Apocalypse Fic
by dr-canis-horriblus
Summary: When a virus breaks out that unleashes zombies in New York City, Ted, Barney, Marshall, Lily, and Robin become the most legendary zombie apocalypse team that's ever existed. With Robin and Barney as leaders of the group, it's up to the MacLaren's five to face cockamice, zombie bartenders, and the underdressed undead to survive- the question is, will they?
1. How I Formed My Zombie Apocalypse Team

_It's like playing laser tag…but instead of annoying, snotty little kids, these are actual undead people we're trying to shoot down! Wow!_

Those had indeed been Barney's first words the moment after he shot his first zombie. To this day, he couldn't believe that there even were zombies, though Marshall, of course, treated this epidemic like it was an every day thing and that he had predicted this for many years (Which he truly had.)

It wasn't always this way, obviously. And it wouldn't always be this way. It all began a few weeks back, on just a normal day. As usual, the gang was sitting in their booth at MacLaren's, but, atypically, today there was discussion of a highly communicable virus that was going around lately, one that no one could remember the name of.

"Heronyza..yeah, I give up." Barney was attempting to say the name, but it was to no avail. "Well, anyway, this whole hype, about how deadly it is? It's stupid. It's just a common cold, guys. I mean, ya take some Nyquil, or chug down a bottle, depends on how low on alcohol you are, ya go to sleep, and you're done. There. Call Dr. Stinson in the morning if you're _not _100% better." He drained his glass, savoring the taste of the last drop.

"Yeah, I don't think you're fully aware of the severity here," Ted countered slowly. If Barney caught the disease, surely he'd be the first one to complain, to say the least, and Ted was positive of this. "This disease is no common cold, in fact, that's why I've got a plan."

"Run away as fast as you can from those infected while crying and screaming?" Robin suggested mockingly, as Barney smiled at her teasing the way he always did, then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"No, I'm going to-"

"Hop on a bus full of diseased people and accidentally get yourself killed?" Lily threw in.

"Would you guys just let me talk, this is important!" Ted snapped. For a few seconds, they were silent, and just as Ted was about to speak, Barney interrupted with, "So are you gonna prevent yourself from getting the disease, or are you gonna lie down without your sleep mask one night and inadvertently breathe in the death that enters your window?"

Ted turned his head, glaring angrily at Barney.

"What? This is important stuff for us to know!" Barney retorted defensively, allowing his voice to trail off as he held his next glass up to his mouth, about to drink it.

"Go on, Ted," Marshall allowed.

"Thank you. Now, what I was saying is that, in times of disease and turmoil, it's always important to have stuff on hand. Like…a _lot_ of stuff. So, on that note, I have decided to pack a quarantine pack in case we need it." Ted reached down quickly and pulled up a medium sized green duffel bag, placing it on the table in front of them.

Barney rolled his eyes. To be prepared was one thing, but to be overprepared, as Ted was, was another thing entirely. To Barney, what would happen would happen, and it was useless to be so skittish about it.

From there, Ted began pulling items out of the bag."Medical masks, one for each of us. Granola bars and Gatorade, in case of food shortage, bottled water, batteries…"

This continued on for some ten minutes or so. By the time Ted reached the bottom of the bag, Barney had his head on the table, Robin had her head on Barney's shoulder, and Marshall and Lily both looked genuinely bored to death.

"And, to top it all off, scented candles." Ted finished with great confidence, smug as ever.

"Why scented?" Lily inquired.

"Because, Lily, if you're trapped in your apartment for days on end, you at least want all of the rooms to smell good." He then added, under his breath, "What's with this one, am I right?"

"Ted, as much as your little dork pack could be helpful, don't you think it's a bit much?" Robin asked, gently nudging Barney to get his head off the table. "I mean, this isn't the apocalypse or anything. Back in Canada, this kind of thing was physically nothing to us. If you had a hockey stick lodged halfway between your eye and your brain, there was a good chance you'd be up the next morning and ready to shoot moose, so…yeah, we literally own you guys when it comes to medical care." She proudly swigged half of her beer as Barney just stared at her.

"Wow," he commented. "That sentence was so Canadian that I think I need a translator."

Marshall pondered Robin's point, the back of his hand against his mouth as he thought. "You know, Robin doesn't have a point here."

"What?!" she reacted in a higher than usual voice. "I…have a point, Eriksen!"

"Yeah, provided we're in Canada, which we're not," Marshall countered sassily. "And who says that this isn't the apocalypse? The year's 2015, guys. I mean, we're three years past 2012, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but technically we were supposed to be seeing zombies three years ago. Those flesh eating creatures don't give you a warning as to when they're coming, they just come, and before you know it, you'll be eating your best friend's organs. I'm sorry if I eat your organs, Ted."

"Apology accepted." He high-fived Marshall.

"Guys, there are no zombies, end of story." Barney interjected, sick and tired now of his friends' far out assumptions. "I mean, sure we've all maybe once had that zombie chick fantasy-"

"Barney," Lily interrupted, not in the mood for one of Barney's creepy fantasy stories today. "Please don't."

"Look, all I'm saying is that this will all pass," Barney concluded. "Give it time."

(It didn't pass.)

Weeks later, the infection worsened everywhere, and Ted was the first to move out of his apartment to find contaminant free grounds, then followed by Marshall and Lily, and finally Barney and Robin. According to the news, there wasn't exactly a safe area, but the best bet would be outside, where the air was still somehow cleaner.

Despite the whining of Barney, Ted erected a few tents in an upstairs parking garage for all of them to stay in, at least until the virus weakened. Using his duffel bag as a pillow and snuggling underneath a warm throw, it didn't take Ted a long time to drift off into a deep sleep.

…

It had to be at least 10:00 the next morning when it happened. Ted jolted awake, drenched in a cold sweat and breathing heavily. He recalled his surroundings- right, he'd put up a tent to sleep in because of some virus. He wasn't in his apartment anymore. But something wasn't right, and Ted could feel it- that horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The moment he unzipped the tent and stepped out, he was tackled by something that he quickly realized looked neither human nor animal. And whatever it was, it was trying desperately to bite into his neck, He screamed for Marshall instinctively as he struggled to fight off the being, whatever it may have been.

But it was Robin who came to the rescue first. "Holy crap!" she screamed. Instantly, she whipped out her handgun, insuring that the aim was right before pulling the trigger. Luckily, it was, and with a bang, the zombie fell dead to the ground.

Ted, obviously more than shaken, was panting heavily minutes afterward, his entire body quivering as he stood. Then, looking down, he noticed that there were flecks of blood spattered on his shirt, not from a bite, but from the zombie itself.

"Aww, man, that thing ruined my shirt!"

Just then, Barney emerged from the tent behind them. "What happened, is Ted okay? I heard screaming." He then noticed the zombie corpse on the ground, and his eyes widened in fear; "Oh no," he said under his breath. Then, a minute later, "Marshall's trying to prank us with fake zombies! HA! Nice one, dude." He patted Marshall on the shoulder, who was still staring at the zombie.

"Um…Barney, that wasn't fake."

"Uh-huh, sure it wasn't, ya trickster! Ya had us all scared to death back there, I was fearing for Ted's life! Man, you're an even greater prank-puller than I am, and that's saying something!"

Robin bent down to the body of the zombie and lifted its head. The head popped off with one simple pluck. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure this isn't fake."

Barney's smile faded from his face as he recoiled slightly. "Oh…so, that wasn't a prop?"

Ted shook his head slowly. "Not. A. Prop."

Barney nervously scratched the back of his head. "Would you excuse me for a minute?" He quickly dove back into the tent and zipped it. "I'll be here when you need me, guys. Just holler, I promise."

Lily changed the subject. "Well, on a more positive note, at least Robin had a gun."

"Yeah, if I didn't, Ted would be feasting on all our innards right now," Robin stated, tucking the gun away as Ted looked perplexedly at her. Why was he the one that everyone thought was most likely to become a zombie?

"I can't believe this is really happening," Marshall commented. "I mean, all my years I've- I've dreamed of this, literally and figuratively. But it really is happening. And it really is kinda awesome."

Robin shrugged, halfway in agreement to that. At least now was a time that she could legitimately (and legally) use her gun, and for good purposes too.

Barney reemerged from his tent and took a deep breath. "Okay, guys, I have a plan. Since, evidently, there's some kind of creepy zombie breakout going on right now, my suggestion is that I, Barney Stinson, lead our team and…try to get us to a safer area or something."

They all looked apprehensively at Barney, who continued, "What? I'm the laser tag master, have you forgotten that? Seriously, if anyone here has some serious shooting skills, it would be me. I mean, shooting zombies with actual bullets can't be too different from shooting kids with laser guns. _Logic, _guys.

Ted still looked reluctant, so Barney continued further. "Plus, I'm terribly attractive," he said, naming off reasons on his fingers one by one. "I can punch pretty hard, and I'm the only one here who's dressed for the occasion. I'm your guy!"

"You're wearing a suit," Marshall stated dryly.

"Even in times of an apocalyptic nature, a bro must continue with his sartoriality," Barney countered, quickly kissing the tips of his fingers and pointing them skywards. "One for the bro gods."

"He does make some logical points," Robin said in agreement with her husband's harebrained schemes. "I say that I act as his assistant, because, let's face it, Scherbatsky's got some uh…pretty quick gun hands herself." She walked over to Barney, draped her arm over his shoulder, and winked. "Pow."

And so it was, that, without further argument, Barney and Robin became leaders of the team. They were, surprisingly, both better than expected- or at least Robin was, due to her past experiences with guns and shooting ranges as a whole. The same night, the gang 'suited up' with the additional clothes that they had brought in preparation. They would swap out their old outfits for new, battle worthy ones, clothes that were well suited to zombie killing.

And Marshall, knowing for years that this was going to happen at some point, provided everyone else with small golden badges, explaining to them that he 'made the badges years ago in the instance that they would all end up a zombie apocalypse team.'

He was indeed right- they were just exactly that. All five of them stood there, in the desolated, soon to be ruins of New York City. They were the only survivors now. They were the MacLaren's Five, and they wouldn't be taken down by some beings from the grave. They would put up a fight, even if they risked their lives doing so


	2. It Takes Two to Be Awesome

Days passed, and each day, the zombie population continued to grow. Ted tallied how many zombies were daily on a miniature whiteboard that he had packed in his duffel bag- so far, the number was 108 and rising.

By now, the common goal had become clear- find an area not infested with zombies. If only it were that easy. Everywhere they turned, down every street and alleyway, they would wind up fleeing due to the zombies already inhibiting that area. Nighttime was particularly not safe, and someone has to be on constant guard duty as the others slept. Life was a waking nightmare. And they didn't even have alcohol to calm them.

Or did they?

On the tenth night of it all, as the five sat around a bonfire that Ted had built out of taxi tires, Barney announced, "Guys, this is driving me absolutely insane, I gotta get it off my chest." He ran his fingers through his hair, which, due to the lack of showers and sterile water lately, wasn't as clean as he would have liked it to be, and Robin sympathetically placed her hand on his left shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Barney could barely choke the words out. "I've..I've- I've been completely sober. For TWELVE STRAIGHT DAYS! Twelve straight days, guys, that's like…a really long time!"

"As apposed to twelve crooked days?" Ted remarked, his voice slightly sarcastic.

"We all have," Marshall replied calmly, throwing in a shred of rubber to fuel the flame. "But I think alcohol's the least of our problems right now, I mean, don't you think survival's kinda priority?"

All five of them, including Marshall, mentally debated that statement, before saying an array of mixed answers.

"No, not really."

"Yeah, I guess so.."

"If I have to die I'd rather die knowing I've at least downed a few beforehand."

"We all have serious problems."

"Yeah, I take that back, carpe diem exists."

And as the debate ended, suddenly, an idea started to form in Barney's mind. He glanced around at all of them, raising an eyebrow and hoping that at least one person would catch on. The light of the fire glimmered in his eyes, illuminating the mischief written up on his face. He and Robin's eyes locked together first, meeting by the dancing flames that highlighted both of their faces in a way that somehow revealed their thoughts.

His hand clamped onto hers, and they smiled with hints of deviance. He also realized that her hands had grown firmer than they used to be, and that once silky feeling they held had long been replaced by a seemingly tougher one from the many weeks of fighting.

No matter- they had a plan, and a good one at that.

…

Late in the night, as Marshall, Lily, and Ted rested, very quietly, Robin and Barney escaped the camp together. Barney had stolen one of Ted's fanny packs and stuffed it with a variety of things that he thought would be helpful to them, though none of those things were. At all.

Their plan wasn't complicated by any means- they would raid MacLaren's of whatever was left over and hopefully bring some drinks back to the camp.

The night was foggy as they walked through the streets, Robin holstering a gun and Barney a pocket knife- Ted's ruby bejeweled pocket knife, more accurately.

"The guys aren't gonna find out about this, right?" Robin asked Barney, knowing well that they would likely be dead if they did.

"No, of course not!" Barney answered quickly and with certainty. "Robin, we're the leaders of the team. We officially have more permission to do physically anything we want to than anyone else, and I DO mean anything, I mean…since we're completely alone right now, we might as well, y'know, get on with the fun stuff before it's too late and we either get killed, or…spiked through our insides with a pitchfork."

Robin cringed slightly. "Yeah, but first thing's first. This raid is important. We'll deal with the other stuff on the way back."

Barney smiled. "Indeed we will."

They walked for a while more through the eerily desecrated remains of the city, the fog masking the torn up buildings like ghosts in the darkness. The bar was evidently further from the camp than they realized- a _lot _further- and for a split second, a lightning bolt of a thought struck through Barney's mind, making him concerned that they wouldn't be able to find their way back later on. He soon shrugged off this thought, replacing it with the image of Robin, confidently, bravely striding next to him in her leather jacket, gun in holster. Clearly he had no reason to fear- she had his back.

Eventually, they did find the bar. Each letter on the sign was in place entirely, and the sign itself continued to glow strongly through the mask of fog, to Barney's surprise.

"Aren't..signs in the zombie apocalypse supposed to, like, flicker mysteriously, or is that just a myth?" He looked genuinely confused and glanced at Robin, who shrugged.

They moved stealthily as they walked down the steps to the doorway. Robin placed a finger on her lips, gesturing for Barney to be quiet. She slowly pulled open the door, peeking inside. A few overturned chairs and tables, but at least no blood or bones. Aside from that, the lighting was still perfect; eerily enough, it appeared like the place had been frozen in time. She silently motioned for Barney to follow her inside, and cautiously he did.

They sneaked behind the bar counter and immediately began filling their stock. Barney nabbed a bottle of Glen McKenna, proudly pointing to it, to which Robin responded to with a thumbs up.

Suddenly, their raid was interrupted by a noise- a scratching sort of noise that seemed to be coming from somewhere in the vicinity, somewhere creepily not at all far away, which caused Barney to freeze where he was standing. He opened his mouth to say something, but Robin held up her hand, motioning for him to keep quiet. There was a movement, a peculiar movement that she could sense. And it was getting closer.

Then, with an angry snarl, another zombie burst from the shadows (More accurately, the kitchen), and both Robin and Barney screamed simutaneously, then fled for their lives, out of the doorway, up the steps, and into the streets. Any other time, Robin would immediately shoot the creature down, but this time, she wasn't prepared, and the instinct to run dominated all others. Up until now, neither of them knew they had it in them to sprint as fast as they did, adrenaline surging through their veins as the creature gave chase behind them.

"Robin, do something!" Barney cried, dodging another wasted car tire.

"I can't!" she yelled back. "If I slow down to get the gun out, he'll catch up to us, and I can't let that happen!"

Once more, instinct took priority, and Barney declared, "Alright, Cecil, now's your time to shine!" He untied his tie as he ran, then turned and flung it at the zombie, aiming for its face. It was a truly heroic act, and Barney got his aim right as the tie temporarily blinded the creature.

Robin turned her head, and they both smiled at each other before high fiving mid sprint.

"We lost him!" she declared triumphantly. "Great job, Barney!"

"A noble tie sacrificed his life for that!" Barney stated, his voice shaky. They slowed, catching their breath for a few minutes, but not for very long- the zombie was soon up again and now in hot pursuit once more.

They continued fleeing; as they did, the creature suddenly and unexpectedly picked up a glass bottle, flinging it at Barney. Unfortunately, it hit, and the shards exploded off of his shoulders, causing him to fall face down.

"Alright, that's it!" Robin screamed. "You mess with Barney and you're dead, you crappy living scum!" And just as she was about to shoot, the zombie fell to the ground, exposing behind it…Ted?

"Ted?" She panted out his name in disbelief, lowering her gun.

"And you guys thought I'd be the first one out!" He smiled cockily. "Boom. Ownage. Mosby style."

Robin only rolled her eyes. She was proud of Ted having come to the rescue, obviously, but far from proud of his jokes that always seemed to come at an inopportune time. It didn't matter right now- as he stood there, in the white fog of the night, she couldn't help but think that he looked at least slightly heroic.


	3. Commence Food Raid and Heal Barney

Ted then noticed the fallen Barney, who was trying now to pick himself up off the ground.

"You okay, dude?" Ted asked concernedly, bending down to his friend, who was coughing from the impact of the fall. Ted extended a hand, and Barney grabbed onto it, pulling himself up.

"Yeah, Ted, I'm fine," Barney replied cockily, brushing the dirt and gravel off of his suit. "Just some minor injuries, y'know, nothing a little meds can't fix." His face was slightly bruised and dirty, and as he stood up, he realized that there was a warm moisture underneath his nose, accompanied by a searing pain that shot like fire across it. He placed his hand on the spot, and his fingers came away soaked in blood. Falling face forward had broken his nose.

To make matters worse, upon standing, he felt, in his back and shoulders, the fiery sting of several possible glass shards piercing his flesh, more warm, sticky blood oozing from the punctures and matting the cloth of his suit to his body. Evidently, he had fallen over the broken glass that littered the ground from the zombie's thrown bottle- directly on top of it.

He winced from the pain, and Robin helped him stand up, seeing that he was obviously injured.

"Come on, we gotta get the wounded soldier back to camp," she said to Ted, who hoisted Barney's arm up onto his shoulder for support.

"Wounded solider? Psh, yeah, right!" Barney scoffed, then, a second later, cried out "Oh God my back! Aaaghh!"

Robin and Ted exchanged glances with each other. "I took care of him last, it's your turn," Robin said accusingly to Ted.

"Nuh-uh, I took care of him last time he got injured, don't make me get out the chart!" he snapped in turn.

They arrived back at the camp few hours before sunrise, absolutely exhausted. The fire had died out long ago, and Lily and Marshall were sound asleep on their sleeping bags, snuggled up together.

"Thanks for all your support, buddy, it really means a lot," Barney told Ted, sleepily stifling a yawn. Without response, Ted dropped Barney to the ground with a _thud. _

"He's yours," Ted told Robin. "Now I'm going to go catch up on my sleep, if you'll be so kind to let me, and by sleep, I mean probably two hours. Peace out, hombre. Hasta la huevo."

Robin puzzled at Ted's completely incorrect Spanish for a couple of seconds, watching as he huffily retreated to his sleeping bag and zipped himself in. Barney was laying in pain on his back, unable to get himself up after Ted had dropped him.

"So…could you help me get this stuff outta my back, or am I gonna have to surgically remove them myself?"

"Sit up," Robin ordered firmly, and Barney did so, smiling mischievously in hopes that perhaps this would somehow lead into something else within a few seconds. From there, Robin began pulling his arms from the sleeves of his suit jacket. Next came the sleeves of his shirt, and she untied his tie, which was damp with blood from his wounds (He was absolutely enthralled by this, saying that it was truly awesome in all ways), before unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off of his body entirely.

From there, she demanded that he stay sitting up, and then proceeded to pluck the shards from his shoulders and chest, causing him to flinch each time.

"Robin Scherbatsky." He breathed out her name in admiration when the last fleck was out, sprawling his long, lank legs out in front of him and leaning back on his arms. "When did you become such a good medic?"

"Oh, this? It's nothing." She applied antiseptic ointment from Ted's duffel bag to his wounds before bandaging each one with the supplies Ted had packed. "You wanna know the secret? I lived in the Rockies. And when your dad brings you injured animals on a daily basis, saying that 'all men must be medically adept to survive in this cruel, unrelenting world', you kinda have to take his advice and learn to sew a moose calf's stomach up before you've even scored your first hockey trophy."

Barney was quiet for a couple minutes.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak Canadian."

She cuffed his cheek playfully, and he couldn't help but smile.

About three hours later, everyone was awake, but just barely. In a sense, they all looked a bit like the living dead themselves. They only had so many clothes to interchange, and by now, they'd used most of the soap that Ted had packed beforehand. Barney's hair was surprisingly mussed and scruffy for him, the way it was only when he woke up, and Lily's hair was not anywhere near as clean as she wished it to be, though right now this was the least of her concerns.

The sun had only just risen, casting a dull, hazy light through the wasted atmosphere, aiding the thick early morning fog. Ted stomped out the last burning embers of their bonfire, then announced, "Group meeting, guys. Now."

They tiredly joined in a circle around what was, last night, their only source of light, and sat down on the ground. Ted stood in the center.

"Okay, new plan," he declared. "Today's a new day, so you know what that means? It means that we, as a group, are gonna head north, and you know what else? North is zombie free! At least for now. I mean, I can't guarantee how long that'll last, but hey, it's worth a shot, and considering that I haven't gotten bitten yet, I'd say I'm actually doing pretty good so far, so…" He clapped his hands together enthusiastically. "Who's ready to do some hiking?"

Their faces were pictures of pure boredom and exhaust as they stared at him in silence, with tired, bleary eyes.

"Ted, we can't keep doing this," Marshall said matter of factly. "We're weak. You remember the last time Big Fudge here ate a decent meal? Yeah, exactly, me either. In all my years of fantasizing this, I gotta say, food shortage was truly the one I missed."

"Yeah, Ted, Mama needs her protein," Lily agreed weakly.

"Oh, you guys'll get food!" Ted assured them optimistically. He pulled up his food bag and showed it to them. "Before I left, I, uh, made sure to be super prepared for this whole, you know, apocalyptic isolation thing, so…" He unzipped the bag, then instantly realized that it was entirely empty. He checked a few times, insuring that this wasn't just his beyond sleep-deprived imagination. It wasn't.

"Dude…we ate that already," Marshall told him.

"Well, yeah, but what happened to the wrappers?" Ted looked around until his eyes fell on Barney.

"Barney, did you-?"

"No, Ted, of course not! I didn't _eat _the wrappers! However, what I did do was use them for-"

"Question retracted, I already don't wanna know," Ted responded, dropping the empty bag to the ground.

"Look, Ted, as much as you don't wanna admit it, you gotta face the solid truth here," Robin said. "Your little purse of wonders isn't gonna keep us alive forever. We've been out of food for a day and a half; if you'd ask me, I'd say things are getting pretty serious now."

"Yeah, buddy, we really need to find food," Marshall concluded calmly.

Ted mentally debated what they were going to do next. Truly they needed to move northwards, but at the same time, he couldn't argue the fact that everyone needed food, himself included. He thought it over for a while before a conclusion formed in his mind.

The cars littered the streets like garbage, so it wasn't hard finding just one taxi. The true problem was locating one that worked. The gang appointed Lily as their taxi selector, and in less than fifteen minutes, she had lived up to that job and selected for them a yellow taxi still in decent shape.

The engine was eventually started, and with the help of Barney, who was a natural at hotwiring cars, they were good to go. Ted took the wheel, knowing well where to head to.

"Zombie at twelve o' clock!" Barney alerted him as they watched another undead being stumble around straight ahead of them. Ted intended to run it over with the car, but luckily for the zombie, it cleared out of the way before he could.

"Punk got lucky this time," he said smugly, feeling a certain power rush through his veins as he imagined himself as a legendary zombie killer, though in reality he'd only barely shot one to the date. "But he'd better start watchin' his back. The T-Dog's on the loose now, and he's bringin' some pret-ty skilled friends with him."

Soon afterwards, hordes of zombies began clustering around the taxi, and Robin uncranked her window, then pointed her gun out and began to fire. Lily followed suite as Robin lent her an extra gun, and together, they were quite an unstoppable team.

Once most of the creatures had been killed, they rolled up their windows.

"High five for the zombie killing!" Lily declared, victoriously high fiving Robin.

Not long after, Ted pulled up in front of a very familiar spot- MacLaren's, which still stood firmly and uncrumbling in the waste, almost like a beacon of hope.

The place didn't look half as creepy as it did the night before, Barney thought, when it could be seen in plain daylight.

"We're here," Ted announced dramatically.

They stepped out of the car and unsheathed their weapons; Ted's weapon of choice was his ruby bejeweled knife, which he held out in front of him.

Proceeding down the stairs and into the bar itself, they were prepared that the place could be potentially overrun by zombies. Fortunately, it still wasn't, and seemed abnormally deserted in comparison to everything else in the ruins of the city.

The first task was to search for food. After all, when everyone was alive, MacLaren's provided them with lunches, dinners, and sometimes even breakfasts, since they sold pretty much anything- burgers, hot wings, jalapeno poppers, chili, and even lobster on certain days.

A quick search for food by Barney turned up nothing besides spoil and rot- clearly nothing edible. They could have made it if they headed out about five days ago, and that was the frustrating thing.

"Well, Plan A failed," Barney declared bitterly as he retreated from the kitchen, angering because of his growing hunger. "What's your next plan then, Operation Dorkster?"

Ted thought it over. "I don't know…raid all the alcohol we can get until we can find actual food?"

Barney cocked his head. "Sounds like a plan!" He hadn't yet told Ted, but despite all the running, Barney had managed to keep the bottle of Glen McKenna safe that he had stolen the previous night. No matter- he aided the rest of them in looting the remainder of drinks anyway, though wishing just slightly for actual food and maybe even a cigar or two.

Once they had loaded a few bottles of beer and one extra scotch in Ted's bag, plus two generous sized bags each of pretzels and Chex mix that Lily later found in fresh condition, they were ready to go.

They walked back up the steps, snacks and refreshments in tow, before Lily stopped dead in her tracks.

"Whoa," she said, looking down. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Is that really what I think it is?" She pointed to the ground, or more specifically, what seemed to be a decaying, dismembered hand laying on the ground. Marshall stopped next to her, then jumped back.

"Yup. That is what you think it is, Lily. For sure that's what you think it is." He was somewhat sickened at the sight, though he didn't like to admit it- after all, years before, Marshall had been an enthusiast of zombies, and he figured now that he should be well prepared for it all.

"What is it?" Barney asked, but the minute he saw it, he screamed in a very high pitched voice and dove behind Robin, who turned her head and glared at him.

"Guys, I got this," she said. She bent down, about to pick up the appendage, as the others, especially Barney, watched in horror behind her. The moment she laid a finger on it, a zombie, snarling angrily, came charging towards them, from where it was not known.

Collectively, the four of them screamed at once, and Barney was first to run. "Not again!" he cried as he tore off.

But today, bathed in the dull beams of clouded sunlight, Robin was able to get a good glimpse at the creature before running. Now she knew who it was. And she wasn't about to give up and run just yet.


	4. Concerning Our Ex Bartender

Seeing an ex-friend or colleague in, well, this form would have been quite shocking to most people. But Robin put instinct above all else, and as the zombie gave chase, she was able to stand ground fearlessly, then aim carefully to shoot it in the head. Now, it really was down for good.

"Is it dead?" Barney asked once he had stopped running, his voice filled with sheer panic and more than a little shaky.

"Oh yeah," Robin answered, reloading her gun. "It's dead. And, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think someone here's got some explaining to do?"

They all exchanged looks. "Okay, fine, ya got me, I'll admit it," Barney said. "I was the one who ate the last pecan wheel that Ted brought with. There, the secret's out now, are you happy?"

"Pecan wheel?" Robin asked, cocking her head. "No, not that! Although I did suspect it was you, let's be honest. I was actually talking to TED." She glared at Ted.

"Alright, I'll be honest with you guys," he said guiltily. "I didn't really shoot that zombie before."

"Clearly," Barney remarked, adjusting his tie. "What did ya do, love it to death? Read it a chapter of one of your lame architecture books?" He scoffed. "Seriously, Ted. You _really _need to work on your zombie killing strategies, dude."

Ted angrily stared at him. "And this is coming from the guy who literally just faceplanted into a telephone pole from running so fast."

"What? I was trying to save my life, excuse me!" Barney retorted defensively, placing a hand on his cheek where he had hit it.

Robin continued to stare down Ted, arms crossed, with a look on her face that clearly demanded an explanation.

"Look, it doesn't matter if I killed it then or not," he stated. "Robin killed it now, so what's done is done. And besides, I saved your guys life back there, so very technically, ya still gotta save me, just saying."

Marshall had been investigating the fallen zombie as the others disputed. "Hey guys?" he called. "You do know that this was Carl, right?" That caught their attention immediately, halting the fighting.

"Wait, whaaat?" Barney responded, rushing over to where Marshall was, then jumping back. The others followed to see if Marshall was right. He was.

"Holy crap," Ted marveled.

"Wow…Now I kinda regret killing him," Lily said softly, sounding ever so guilty and looking down puppy dog-eyed.

"Well…to be fair, he uh, was rapidly charging after us," Robin told her matter-of-factly.

"How do you know this is Carl?" Barney asked. "I mean, it could be anybody. Maybe it's just a guy that looks like Carl." Barney, for once, actually sounded just a little regretful.

Marshall shook his head doubtfully. "No, Barney, that was Carl."

There were several minutes of silence, and thunder softly rumbled in the distance.

"Great," Ted remarked sarcastically. "We just accidentally killed our ex bartender."

"What are we gonna do now?" Lily wondered quietly.

"Well, we could, you know, say our farewells," Marshall suggested, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Ted, you lead it off."

"Me? I don't know how to even start off one of these…whatever you call them. But I guess if you insist." Ted stood up proudly, chest out, giving the impression of triumph and bravery.

"We lost a great man today," he started. "A great man that was always there for us. Through many a breakup, guilt, or depression, this guy was around. And though he may have hated us just a little…he never hated us that much, so, with that being said…farewell, Carl. Enjoy tending that bar in the sky." Ted was starting to choke up, the way he often did whenever he toasted at a wedding.

Barney sympathetically patted him on the back.

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm fine," Ted responded, his voice shaky.

"Well, I guess it's time to face the facts," Robin said. "It's a jungle out here, literally. We gotta toughen up or, y'know, be like this guy and become zombie bait- for the record, he's probably gonna be brutally demolished in about five minutes, probably by wild animals, so if you guys don't wanna see that, then we should get moving."

The others had looks of fear and shock on their faces. Robin peered down at the fallen zombie, placing her hands on her hips and pacing around the body slowly.

"Guess we should keep walking then," Marshall commented solemnly, and they did, following in a slow moving line behind him.

By now, finding their specific camp was basically irrelevant, although it was still mandatory of them to have a camp. It was not, however, a time to be choosy, and they quickly took up the middle floor of the GNB parking garage, where they knew should have been zombie free.

Lily sat down, cross-legged on the ground. "Man, was today weird." She picked up a stick, tossing it a few inches in front of her.

"Yeah, but look at the bright side of things," Ted countered. "I mean, we did get some sustenance out of this, right?"

"If by sustenance you mean beer and Chex mix, then yeah, we did great." Robin took out a six pack from their bag. "You know what? I propose a toast."

Everyone else looked at her with slight skepticism in their eyes, especially Barney. "A toast to _what, _killing Carl?" He let out a scoffing snort that accompanied the sarcastic flick of his head. "Well, to be fair, he always WAS kind of a jerky jerk face. A total jerky jerk face."

Robin smiled at him. "Actually, uh, I think what I should toast to is really…our survival out here. How many other _living _survivors, like actually not half dead, have you seen in this city? Trick question: None. Zilch. Nada. _Zero._`" She accentuated the zero in the French way, causing Barney to remark, disgustedly, "You just _had _to throw that French-Canadian numeral in there."

"Hey, guys, the Canadian does have a point," Marshall interjected. "You know, I've imagined how this would all go down for years now, and I gotta say, it's going down a _lot _better than I thought it would. Especially for Ted- the dude is really pulling his weight here, big time."

Ted smiled. "Thank you."

Marshall continued. "Let's be honest here, we all expected him to get his spinal cord ripped out by a flesh-eating monster like, weeks ago; he's still alive, and he's totally denying that expectation. Nice job, buddy."

He patted Ted endearingly on the back, and Ted's only response was, "Why does everyone expect me to be the one who gets killed first?"

"Dude, I love you, but the truth is, your cardio is terrible," Marshall told him honestly.

Barney nodded in agreement. "Plus you barely know how to hold a shotgun. Or a knife. Or a bow, no clue on how ya even got one back there, but uh, newsflash for you, ya don't kill a zombie by throwing the whole bow at its head and hoping to lop it off. Sorry bro."

Ted glared at Barney, his face a mixture of disappointment and frustration. "My cardio's not terrible, okay? I ran the 2K in 2011, I think I can outrun a zombie, just saying." He paused for a few minutes, looking suddenly disheartened. "Although…I lost the 2K. And tripped over a hurdle. I didn't know there'd be hurdles."

Now, Barney was the one who patted him on the back in sympathy. "You tried."

Robin passed bottles out to all of them, then sat back down. "To our survival- we're the best damned zombie apocalypse team the whole world will ever know."

Glass hit glass with a satisfying 'clink', and from there on, the night took a turn for the rather celebratory. Sitting on the cold cement of the parking garage, igniting sticks for a fire, drinking beer and sharing laughter, was, in a sense, ultimately common feeling to the gang.

Maybe the city was in apocalyptic ruins- so what? If they could continue their battle, they _were_ going to go down as the best team in history, and there was no doubting that.


	5. Tracy and Cindy

A cold, uninviting wind blew through the desolated city, sending chills up the bodies of anyone who was unfortunate enough to be exposed to it.

Two women, both brunette with similarly styled hair, were on the run from an unknown being. They tore out of the nearest alleyway, sprinting as fast as was possible for them. Boots splashed through blurry puddles, rainwater, maybe even mixed with blood, as they attempted their escape, not looking back once.

Eventually, they came to a skidding halt- right on a bridge above a deep, dark body of water, of which neither one was able to pinpoint the name of, though they could both tell that, in the pitch black of the night, that it looked hellishly ominous. And the beast was coming closer.

"I bet you didn't imagine it was going to end this way, did you?" One of the women, who's name was Cindy, asked her friend, who was fearfully shaking by her side.

Breathlessly, she responded with, "No, not exactly, though, to be honest, I didn't…exactly plan my death out yet."

"Oh, right."

The other woman, by the name of Tracy, whipped out her one and only available weapon- her umbrella, a fading yellow, with smudges of dirt and blood covering half of it.

"Alright, zombie, we're gonna do this." She smiled diabolically, and with perfect precision, the minute the creature had arrived just inches in front of her, she jabbed the tip right into its heart.

A spray of blood was released, causing her to scream, but most importantly, the zombie had fallen. She ripped out the umbrella. "Whoa, that was close." Panting, she gazed down at the corpse. "Man, these things are hideous."

"Ugh, I know," Cindy agreed. "They're terrible." She looked over at Tracy. "Nice use of that umbrella by the way."

Tracy quickly glanced at the folded yellow umbrella she clutched in her hand, the tip still glistening wet with blood. "Thanks, I never expected I'd get to kill something or someone with an object used for rain protection, but…" She paused. "What the universe doesn't throw at you."

Cindy just nodded. "So true." They simply continued walking through the darkness, aware of their surroundings in every way.

It was an eerie feeling, being the only two survivors for miles as far as they could see. There was a dampness in the night air due to the perpetual fog that just didn't seem to be going anywhere, the same fog that masked the flickering, still standing streetlights, casting a gloomy yellowed haze like an unsettling aura about them. It obscured their vision, causing them to feel even more helpless and reminding them that they were, unfortunately, two weapon-lacking women, alone in the unsettling ruins of a post apocalyptic city.

Something heavy and furry scuttled against Tracy's boot, and she screamed again, kicking it off. Whatever it was went scurrying underneath the glow of a streetlight, and to Tracy, it appeared as an odd hybrid of a cockroach and a mouse.

Breathlessly, she panted out the words, "That was a cockamouse."

"It couldn't have been- that's impossible, isn't it?" Cindy questioned.

"Honestly, in this time and place, why are you even asking?" Tracy retorted. And it wasn't the only cockamouse either- since both the mice and roaches were the only creatures that could manage to stay alive in this infected, disease filled city, they were breeding rapidly, somehow with each other.

"Well that stinks," Cindy responded seconds later, looking sorely disappointed.

Tracy hid her face in her hands, unable to control the tears any longer. Cindy placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, what are you so down about?" she asked her.

Tracy wiped one eye. "It's just…Cindy, I didn't expect it all to end this way. It's 2015, I was hoping by now that I'd, y'know, be married, maybe even have a few kids, but now that's an awful unrealistic dream to have, 'cuz, let's be honest, the only men here are zombies and I'm not ready to stoop that low. Not yet, anyway."

Cindy nodded in understanding while Tracy continued.

"And not just that, but half of my friends are probably, you know, gone now. Living a life like this really isn't any kind of life, I'll tell you that, Cindy."

Cindy patted her on the back reassuringly. "I understand. But even though life sucks, that doesn't mean it really sucks, right?"

Tracy shot her a look of confusion. "Huh?"

Cindy smiled. "Let me rephrase that- I mean, just because things suck right now doesn't mean they can't get better! For all you know, there could be another area somewhere that's maybe filled with other survivors and no zombies, and really, how ideal would that be?"

Tracy smiled back, wiping a tear from her eye. "Pretty ideal."

A cold gust of wind blew, sending a chill up her spine. She pulled her jacket up and over her arms, tugging it so that it stretched across them tightly.

"I just…I hope you're right on this," she said. She looked up into the starless night sky with a hopeful yet faraway expression on her face, as if she were reflecting on better times.

"I'd like to think that I am," Cindy said with a nod.

They walked until they came upon a bench, still in decent shape, and they both took a seat. For a couple of minutes, they were absolutely silent, as so was the night around them. Not a cricket chirped in the distance, nor was there the usual rushing sound of traffic in the streets nearby, and they both felt surrounded by an unsettling wall of eerily quiet darkness.

Predictably, it didn't last long. Several minutes after sitting down, the familiar, slow growling of the undead creatures could be heard in the distance, growing closer by the second, and Cindy grabbed her weapon, one singular handgun still loaded with ammo, while Tracy reached for her folded umbrella, pointing it outwards.

There was more than one this time, and they attacked as a pack, like the coyotes Tracy had witnessed earlier in the day, who were scavenging on a fallen zombie themselves. She took out as many zombies as she could, thrusting the pointy tip of the umbrella deep into their hearts and necks, which killed them instantly.

Cindy, meanwhile, shot down quite a few herself, even the ones that gave chase, and though the amount of creatures was large, they were also relatively easy to kill.

Once every one had fallen, the women stopped, allowing to take a few breaths.

"You hurt?" Cindy asked.

Tracy shook her head. Smugly, she answered, "I'm actually doin' pretty great."

"Oh, good, me too," Cindy replied. "But I think we oughtta find another area for tonight.'

One of the zombies was directly behind Tracy, about to sink its teeth into her shoulder, but before it could, she spun around in perfect timing, impaling the creature's head with amazing precision.

Turning back to Cindy, her response was, "Sounds great, let's do it!"


	6. Barnblazer and Machete Scherbatsky

A blood orange sun peaked over the jagged skyline, partially masked by gloomy clouds and cold, white fog. _Morning again._

Marshall and Lily were sound asleep in their sleeping bags, as so was Ted, who lay not far from them.

Seeing that she had more than enough time to do it, Robin snuck down from where they were, the second floor of the GNB parking garage, with bundles of clothes under each arm, hoping to wash them in the nearest open fire hydrant.

Luckily for her, one lay not too far away, spraying out clean, clear water that shone rainbow in the rising sun. She unfolded her first shirt, running the water over it to wash out the blood and dirt.

Having not had very many clothes that were even relatively clean, the only thing that Robin was dressed in at the moment was a surprisingly pure white tank top and torn, rogue looking denim jeans, which were underneath her gun holster belt. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, loose strands hanging down on both sides of her head, but she still thought that he looked pretty amazing, especially when considering the circumstances.

"Morning. I see someone's up early." A familiar voice startled her, and she turned to see Barney standing behind her, dressed in a dirty white dress shirt and one of his only remaining pairs of decently clean black slacks.

She smiled when she saw him. "Yeah, I figured that sleep is pretty much for the weak at this point, so I didn't see a use in succumbing to that. I'm not weak." A cocky, sure grin spread across her face, and Barney knew personally that she was right. She wasn't weak, and accurately, she had been pulling her weight more than anyone ever since the start of the zombie epidemic, serving her purpose as lead killer with an expertise in shooting. To him, this only made her even more attractive in every possible way, especially so whenever he managed to catch that rare, delightful glimpse of her, firing off bullets while dressed in the most appealing of leather jackets, truly eye candy in every sense of the word.

"Hey, listen, while the guys are still sleeping, do you wanna, uh, maybe go somewhere, like, kinda far away?" Barney gestured with his thumb as he said the words 'go somewhere', heavily implying that now would be a good time to embrace some privacy.

She rung out a dingy looking shirt, draining the murky reddish brown water from it in a rusty stream onto the ground.

"I do," she responded. "But we can't walk too far from the camp, remember? We're Barnblazer and Machete Scherbatsky- without us, they're going to become zombie's steak within an hour, and you know that."

She stood up in close proximity to Barney, slyly, gently tugging on his tie to bring him closer to her. The moment her hand brushed against his chest, she felt his heart begin to beat faster, pulsing rhythmically underneath his white shirt. He could feel the loop of the tie tighten around the back of his neck as she pulled.

He looked down with a small smile on his face to see her hand wrapped ever so carefully around his tie.

"Barnblazer and Machete Scherbatsky," Barney echoed dreamily. "The two most skilled, hottest, overall awesomest zombie killers in the history of _ever. _I like it."

She smiled back at him lovingly. "Yeah, we're pretty legendary. Did you know we've killed over 258 of those freaks already?"

"Ooh, nice."

"And at least 120 of them we've decapitated."

"Ha! Serves 'em right," Barney growled, snarling out the words with his lip turned up a little, half exposing a few pearly white teeth. He then added, in a softer but still proud voice, "One of the ones I killed, I uh, blasted his brains out."

"And you screamed, but it was still hilarious and adorable!" Robin said that with great endearment, sliding her hand into his jacket and gently rubbing his chest. He placed his hands on her hips, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"Does it totally suck that we're two in the last strain of actual survivors in this city?" he said, calmly rubbing his hands along the sides of her body. "Yes, it does, and until we die, it's going to, but…there is a bright side of things, and that's having someone around who watches my back nonstop. I mean, isn't it pretty obvious that you make every adventure worthwhile? Like when you cut that one dude's head off and chased after the other guy holding it? Wow, suddenly 'Machete Scherbatsky's lookin' to be the most fitting nickname ever!"

"Aww!" she responded happily. "And how you peed on that other zombie to show what you thought of him? Now _that _was awesome."

Barney muttered a quiet 'hmm' of endearment. "I think there is something we can agree on." He looked down towards Robin's neck, gazing at the many little scars and wounds that decorated her collarbones. It shouldn't have been anywhere near that enticing, but oh, it was.

"We are both legen- wait for it.."

He pulled her up to him, grabbing her under her shoulders and lifting up her shirt with his arm, their lips locked together as they both fell to the ground, consequentially behind an abandoned taxi.

Several minutes later, Robin proudly declared "DARY!", and enthusiastically high fived Barney. She picked herself up, knotting her hair back into a ponytail and sitting next to Barney, who was laying on his back, long, lean legs spread out in front of him.

Sitting up himself, he slid his shirt back on, tying his black tie around his neck.

"Man, that was great," he commented with a smile on his face. He turned to Robin. "Let's just hope that, y'know, none of those creeps were around to see that." He looked around him and fortunately saw no one, hardly really caring even if he would have.

"Oh don't worry, we're fine," Robin told him convincingly as she slipped one of the clean robes on over her thin white tank top for the time being. "You were right- you really don't appreciate private time 'til you haven't had it in weeks."

"Amen to that!" Barney agreed, his hair still a little scruffy as he nodded his head. He stifled a yawn. To Robin, he tiredly said, "You're a real hero, Scherbatsky. Honestly."

She snorted scoffingly. "Shut up."

"No, I mean it." He quickly licked his lips, a signature habitual trait that he had whenever speaking to someone. "Considering that it's the end of the world, you've still got so much going for you. You're a little bit more than awesome right now, actually. You're awe-stonishing-some. Awe-lots. Awe-more." His face lit up with a boyish look of pride in that joke. "See what I did there?"

Robin, grinning, shook her head slowly. "You know…somehow it's _still _really, super impossible of me not to just love the complete crap out of you."

Barney shrugged. "Only natural."

For a couple of minutes, they both stared endearingly at each other, affectionate smiles on their faces. Then, all too soon, their moment of tenderness was interrupted by the sound of an airhorn from somewhere nearby- that was Ted's alert to them, a signal of sorts to get the group to meet up.

"Well, I guess Mosby must need us," Robin commented, placing her hands on her hips.

Barney looked in the direction of the parking garage, shifting his jaw from side to side in thought.

"Of course he does."

The loud, obnoxious air pollution of a sound could be heard once again, and Barney cringed. "Geez, Ted!" he muttered under his breath. "Come on! Whatever you need us for cannot be that important!"

"What I need you guys for is really important," Ted declared.

Dressed in a worn looking flannel that had past seen better days, the sleeves rolled up at the elbows, he stood centered in the half circle that they had all formed. He let out a sigh to prepare himself for the announcement he had to make.

"I know that I…probably told you guys early on that we wouldn't ever do this, but plans change."

Barney shot Robin a wary side glance. Ted continued.

"However, this is for our well being, so just hear me out on this one." There was a long, awkward pause. "We gotta split up."

Barney's jaw dropped and astonished exclamations were heard from everyone.

"What?"

"But Ted, I thought you were a team, remember?" Barney said the words with great concern, an innocent, worried look on his face.

"Oh, we are a team," Ted responded. "But I also think that we need to learn basic survival skills- independent ones. And yes, we'll probably meet up again, but right now, I just believe that some time apart learning how to, y'know, fight our own fights would do us all some good."

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I'm with Mosby on this one, this is the apocalypse, and, not to sound morbid or anything, but people tend to die when those happen. Can you imagine, God forbid, that happens to any one of us, how devastated that would leave you all? I know it might sound rough, but…I gotta side with Ted here, learning how to battle our own battles is kinda mandatory."

Barney shook his head solemnly. After a couple of minutes, he said, "Well, Robin and I could make a pretty killer set of killers ourselves." He turned to her, a devious smile on his face, and he could tell in that second that she agreed.

"Yeah, and Lily and I?" Marshall interjected. "I mean, dude, we were great when everyone was alive; if we die together, we'll at least go down being adorable."

"Preach it," Lily agreed, and she then high-fived him. "But…I don't know. If Marshall comes with, isn't that still kinda being too codependent?"

"Not for us," Barney stated in reference to he and Robin. "If we stay together, we're fighting our own fights. I'm not protecting _this_ one, she can protect herself."

Robin nodded. "Same here. This sissy needs to learn to fight like a man."

"Every man for himself," Barney added with a friendly cocking of his head.

"So it's decided," Ted announced. "We're gonna break up! But not permanently. I mean, I hope not."

"One last hug before we, uh, hit the road?" Barney offered.

Ted nodded his head in approval, and Barney leaned in and hugged him. He placed his hand on Ted's shoulder and rubbed it affectionately before pulling away.

"Good luck out there, Mosby. Don't get yourself killed.'

Ted smiled confidently. "I won't."

After a few more goodbyes, the gang then split up, each heading off in separate directions. Where fate would take them they were unsure, but one thing was for certain- they'd probably end up finding each other again soon and somehow. It was the one thing that reality had them counting on.


	7. Cindy to the Rescue

Tracy crouched behind a tree in a local park, scrubbing the dried blood off of one boot with a moist sponge. She hated this life more than anything. Each passing day was grueling, and grew harder and harder with every second. In the past, she'd never been a huge fan of horror movies, much less violence in general, and tended to be slightly uncomfortable with blood. Halloween was not her favorite holiday, although she did quite enjoy the costumes. But now, not a day went by that didn't feel like a perpetual state of Halloween; an eerie, unsettling feeling followed her wherever she went and it could not simply be shaken off.

The gore of the undead was too much, purely. Not only was she sickened at the mere concept, but the blood was disgusting, and Tracy could not help but feel just a little bit guilty every time she was forced to kill one of them, even if one was about to sink its yellowed, jagged teeth into her veins. She never forgot that these beings were once people too, and that only tacked on to the growing guilt she felt. She now regarded herself as a murderer, a cold blooded killer, no matter how many times Cindy tried to convince her otherwise.

The blood didn't seem to be coming off.

"Eww," she commented, looking at the boot and cringing. "You know, in hindsight, trying to kick one of those thing's heads off was actually a terrible idea." She looked up at Cindy, who was crouched vigilantly in the tree above her.

"I feel you,' she agreed.

Tracy frustrated tossed her boot onto the dry grass, laying her head back against the weathered trunk of the tree.

"Cindy, I'm…I'm sick and tired of killing those guys. Those things."

"Hey, having a daily blood shower is no picnic for me either," she replied.

"It's not just the blood," Tracy countered. "I mean, okay, yeah, that's super gross, but I feel terrible, honestly, about having to be so merciless."

Cindy gazed down at her, an eyebrow cocked, looking perplexed. "To the zombies?"

Tracy looked awkward, but slowly nodded her head. "Well, sorta. Don't get me wrong, I know that they're dangerous and hostile, and would rip off both our heads if given the chance, but I just…I can't forget that they were once actual people. If that makes any sense?"

"Right." Cindy still looked confused, but she tried her best to understand. "Actual people," she echoed.

"I feel a little, um, I guess murdery?" Tracy added seconds later. "Kind of like I'm a killer, even though they're…dead. I'm a killer of the dead, Cindy."

Cindy nodded. "I understand."

Tracy didn't say much after that. Truthfully, it was the zombie apocalypse, and the creatures were everwhere, plus survival was priority. Who was she to be feeling guilty over killing them? It was now purely a part of every day life, and it was completely inescapable.

She slid on her boot, which was at least somewhat cleaner than it had been.

Suddenly, there came a loud scream that resounded in the city air, piercing the atmosphere around them and cutting the silence like a blade. It echoed around the nearby buildings, sending instant chills up both of their backs.

"Did you hear that?" Tracy asked, astounded and also sounding fearful. "Actually that was rhetorical, you did obviously hear it."

"But where it came from is another question," Cindy stated, concerned. She leaped down from her standing position in the tree, grabbed their bag, and hitched it over her shoulder. "Come on," she gestured to Tracy, and they both headed off in the direction of the scream.

* * *

Ted Mosby hated to admit that his friends were right. For as many years as he could remember, he had tried to prove them wrong, enforcing the fact that the claims they made against him were often false. A particular example of this was the time when he assumed that walking backwards up a flight of stairs carrying six stacked boxes would have no repercussions.

Barney, Robin, Marshall, and Lily all stood in the living room of his newest apartment, unknowingly becoming spectators of the epic disaster that would occur in the next few minutes.

"You sure you can do this?" Lily asked Ted, who was beginning his attempt to lift up the first stack of cardboard boxes- completely full ones, nevertheless, filled with rows of drinking glasses and ornamental glass decorations.

"Yeah, of course I can do it!" he replied, straining to get them up. "One flight of stairs and I'll be good to go, and before you ask, I do not need your help. Any of you."

Barney rolled his eyes. "Right. Totally characteristic of Ted not to need someone's help. Seriously, Ted? Dude, you are not possibly going to be able to carry that many boxes up a flight of stairs." He paused, then continued. "Not like that anyway. You're gonna walk up those stairs backwards carrying that many boxes!" He smiled, his face just popping with energetic enthusiasm. "Right? Right?"

"Barney, come on," Marshall said. "The last thing we need is for Ted to fall over and land on his head and get a concussion. Or amnesia. Although, let's be honest, Ted would be kind of a game with amnesia, kinda like that time in college that he attempted skateboarding and faceplanted into the ground. We convinced him that he was secretly Chewbacca for weeks. He only spoke Wookie."

Ted nodded. "It's not always fun to be the furry brown dude. Just saying."

Barney nodded his head in agreement, as if he could personally relate to that statement.

Ted, meanwhile, eyed the small flight of stairs.

"But Barney might actually be right on this one. How fun would it be to walk upstairs backwards?"

"Ted, don't," Lily warned.

"I'm gonna do it!" Ted stated, sounding ever-confident. "I mean, Barney accepts all kinds of crazy challenges all the time, so why shouldn't I, right?"

And before anyone could stop him, he did. What followed in the next few minutes was pure disaster.

The rest of the gang, particularly Barney and Robin, watched in complete amusement as he made his way backwards up the flight of stairs. Coincidentally, a squeaky dog toy was lying in his path, one that he claimed to have held onto ever since childhood in hopes that his golden retriever, Mr. Peppersly, would return after running away, and he stepped directly on it.

It slid from under his feet and he fell back, sending the boxes flying into the air. The lids instantly flew open as well, and down came a shower of glass that crashed to the ground, sending smaller shards everywhere. As for Ted, he hit the bottom of the stairs with a loud thud, painfully colliding his head with the carpeting- and the hard floor underneath it.

He was unconscious for a while afterward, and naturally, Lily forced Barney to haul him off to the hospital (Ted, days later, realized that Barney was not to be trusted with advice EVER again.)

Barney did have a good laugh on it and had managed to catch the scene on film per iPhone camera, though he claimed to delete it soon after (He never did, and to the day, he and Robin had watched the video at least 25 times, but kept it a closely guarded secret.)

As for Ted, despite painful headaches that lasted for weeks, he never forgot the incident. But he also never exactly admitted that Marshall and Lily were right in warning him not to do what he did.

But now- now was different. All of those jokes that his friends had made revolving around his likeliness to be attacked by zombies- and possibly killed gruesomely- were coming back to haunt him. This would be the time that he'd have to admit they were right- he absolutely was not cut out for fighting back against an undead army, and right now, that was exactly what he was up against.

Cornered in an alleyway, he struggled to beat down the rapid creatures, first using a broom, then his fists when the broom snapped in half.

There were about four of them, each one equally hideous in its own way.

Ted managed to duck a clumsy swat from one aiming at his head long enough to grab a crumpled tin can laying on the ground.

"Aha!" he declared valiantly, and proceeded to fling it at the head of a zombie, which didn't seem to phase it one bit.

"Dude!" he whined out, looking to see where the can, practically his only weapon, had landed, and whether or not he'd be able to recover it.

The zombie seized its opportunity as Ted looked away, and grabbed him by his shoulders. Instinctively, he screamed, in an unpredictably loud, girlish way that could be heard all around the area.

_This is it. I'm dead, _he thought to himself as he tried to shake the monster off of him. _Well, I've at least had a good life so far, right? I feel like I've had a good life. So what if I never found a wife? That's okay. I'll be dead in a few seconds, so it won't matter anyway!_

Suddenly, from somewhere behind Ted, came the clicking of a shotgun being cocked, followed by the words "Get away from the boy!"

Obviously the zombie didn't obey the command, so whoever had showed up went ahead and shot it directly in the head. It fell to the ground, allowing Ted to breathe and save himself, but in fear, he was caught in the moment, unable to move.

That was when he managed to snag a good look at one of his rescuers.

"Cindy?" he gasped.


	8. Survivors

There were two women, and both were trying their hardest to pull down as many zombies as they could to save Ted.

Awestruck, he watched from a distance as limbs were torn and necks were shot, with a flying leap, one of the women hurled herself at one of the creatures, sending it crashing to the ground with her.

Ted gasped and was about to intervene, but she clearly had it and fought the zombie with her bare hands. Wrapping her hands around its neck, she squeezed as hard as she could, hard enough that the head popped off and she jumped back with a startled scream.

But that had been the last one. Fallen zombie bodies now decorated the alleyway, and Ted, stunned beyond words, emerged from where he had been watching.

"Wow," he panted out. "You guys, I- I owe you my life."

"Ted?" one of the women asked. "Is that you?"

Ted stared at her for a few minutes. "Cindy! Hey, long time no see, I knew it was you!"

Commonly, he would have hugged her with no further hesitation, but her previously white blouse was stained with blood and probable flecks of who knew what, so he resisted.

Just then, Tracy stepped in. "Not to interrupt the reunion here, but Ted…you're bleeding." She pointed to a spot on his shoulder that was dark and wet with blood, and he looked down at it quickly. "Oh…guess I am," he said. "I'm sure it's fine though. I'll heal, right?"

"I don't know," Tracy responded honestly, awkwardly shuffling her feet. "I mean it is…it is, uh, kind of a wound you've got there."

The spot was beginning to burn like fire, and every slight breeze that blew felt like a piercing dagger on the moist patch. Ted cupped one hand over it to staunch the blood flow.

"You'll be fine as long as it's not a bite," Tracy assured him. "But just to be safe, I'm gonna go ahead and clean it up for you." She reached a bloodied hand into a knapsack slung around one shoulder and pulled out a small jar of white cream labeled "Bite Suppressant."

Ted was temporarily enthused by her supply bag long enough to be distracted from his own pain.

"Wait, so you- you brought your own bag too?"

She nodded as she squirted the cream into one hand- the clean one rather than the one soaked in blood.

"Of course I did. You've always gotta prepare for these things- natural disasters I mean. And how would you expect to survive one without a supply bag?"

"Right? Right?" Ted responded gleefully.

"Pull up your shirt," Tracy ordered him.

"Huh?"

"Yes, I know that sounds super weird, but I need to clean that for you, okay?"

Ted did as she requested and lifted his shirt, exposing the wound located near his shoulder- bloody, angry red claw marks etched downwards like cat scratches but much more extreme in their existence.

They went ahead and applied the cream, rubbing it into the raw spots that were sure to leave scars as they healed.

Meanwhile, Cindy kept an eye out for potential coming zombies. Being that they were still in an alleyway, it was priority of her to watch, as the creatures could come from any side of anywhere at anytime and being vigilant was the key to not becoming bacon for zombies.

They did come, unfortunately, and luckily, she was able to protect both Ted and Tracy as she used her well-developed shooting skills to knock the creatures down.

Ted rolled his shirt back down once the bloodbath had cleared, and Cindy pushed a hair from her face. She cocked her gun, and gesturing it in his direction in a mock-threatening way, said, "Ted, you come with us. No questions asked."

Lowering her gun, she smiled slyly, extending a hand for Ted to hold onto.

He grabbed it and slowly began heading off with she and Tracy, leaving the alleyway and walking towards the far more dangerous inner city.

* * *

Miles away, Barney and Robin were wandering on the far side of town. Barney carried his gun slung over one shoulder as he walked, and Robin was at his side. She had long stripped down to a bloodied, once white tank top and had her hair tied back as she had before, her gun tucked into the holster of her belt.

At this point, finding any ammo was obviously becoming something of a challenge for both of them, and they each had very little left at all, which was proving to be quite a problem.

"So I take it we're, uh, gonna be kinda in trouble in a couple of minutes when the next zombies come," Barney stated. After a few minutes, he said, "Y'know, maybe Ted was wrong. Maybe we shouldn't have split up."

Robin shook her head. "Barn, Ted was entirely right in having us split up. Think about it- you know, we're Barnblazer and Machete Scherbatsky. Just remember that. Let it, uh, sink in."

Barney, looking off, nodded once approvingly. "Actually, you're right. We don't need them, do we? We are two fully independent, mature, awesome individuals who are capable of doing literally anything where and when we want to, and, AND, we're super amazing at it too! We do _not _need anyone's help."

Just then, the loud 'POW' of a gunshot was heard, and Barney flew directly behind Robin, covering his face and crying, "Don't eat me, but if you've gotta take my life at all, just make sure my Uncle Terry's one million dollars get sent to the right people, it was his dying wish that I make it my dying wish!"

The gunshot was followed by hushed voices, which Robin noticed immediately.

"Barney," she said softly, gesturing for him to join her behind the wall. He did, and they both stood there together, secretively peering out from their spot.

A bit in the distance, they could make out the shapes of several figures- several un zombie-like figures. And they were talking. Other people!

"See, I told you guys they fall like blocks," one, a man, said. At his feet was the body of a slain zombie, which he nudged with his shoe to insure its death. "This one's dead meat. I'd say you could… thank **me** for that?"

"Thank you, Darren," came another voice- this one of a woman.

"Not that I couldn't have killed the thing myself," yet another woman's voice said. "I mean, come on- I'm the one with a freakin' saw, and all you've got is some puny little gun!"

"Hey, the gun may be puny, but at least it works!" the man retorted. "I shouldn't even be with you guys. I'm above you, all of you."

Barney and Robin continued watching the scene unfold. They exchanged glances, unsure what was going to happen next but certainly intrigued.

"Hey, I'm with blondie here," a fourth, man's voice spoke up- one that sounded strangely familiar to Barney. "Quinn's the one who initiated the attack at all. No offense, but I don't exactly see _you _shootin' anything,"

"Wait a second," Barney whispered to Robin, ever attentive. "Is that…" He knew he recognized the voice from somewhere. Then it hit him. "James! That's James!" Before Robin could stop him, Barney rushed into the scene, excitement over seeing his brother again beginning to course through his veins.

"JAAMES!" he screamed as he barreled into the group, an over enthused smile on his face. "I missed y-" It was at that moment that one of the women smacked him directly in the face with a shovel, knocking him to the ground. Robin then rushed out, yelling his name.

"Barney!"

"I am so sorry!" the woman apologized, before becoming conscious of who she'd just hit. "Wait a second, Barney?"

One of the men, the one who _wasn't_ James, had one boot on Barney's chest, pinning him to the ground, the barrel of his gun lowered to Barney's face. Upon realizing that Barney was not a zombie, he slowly raised it.

"Great job, Quinn," he remarked, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he stepped off of Barney, who was slowly beginning to come to.

Weakly, he lifted his head. "What happened? Who are you people?" A steady stream of warm blood was beginning to trickle down his face from his nose where Quinn had smacked him with her shovel, but he was so occupied with the people around him that he ignored it. When his vision cleared, he became excited once again.

"James!" he cried, running to hug his brother, but the moment he did, this time a vicious dog was at his feet, a snarling, grey terrier mix of some sort, who yipped angrily at Barney, warning him to back off. The animal's coat was mangy and his small white teeth bared, and Barney cautiously took a few steps back. Even this dog looked familiar.

"Dagger, no," James commanded. "Sorry about that- he's our guard dog," he explained to Barney. "So I take it you've survived that virus, huh?"

Barney nodded. "Yup. The Stinsons are a strong breed, James. We were some of the first on Earth and we WILL be the last." Smugly, he adjusted his tie, tucking his hands into his pockets. "So what do you guys got goin' here?"

"Survival," Quinn interjected. "Y'know, after all my years of knowing you, I gotta say that I never expected you to be one of the last people on Earth come the apocalypse." She crossed her arms.

Barney quickly scratched his head. "Nor I to you," he retorted, looking proud. "Or Patrice. Sorry, Patrice."

"It's okay, Barney," she replied. "That's what they all said. But, when I thought about it, I always did expect you." She smiled girlishly at Barney, who smiled back.

"Alright, alright, enough of the mushy crap," Robin said, stepping in. "James, nice to see you again, and Barney, we should probably be going." She gently tugged on Barney's arm, but he pulled away.

"Going? Are you kidding me, these guys are awesome! I mean, look, we got James, Patrice, Quinn…who is my angry ex, and what's his face over there! We could join teams!"

"Darren," the other man blurted out. "My name's Darren."

Robin looked down for a second, tapping her shoe on the concrete. "Excuse me for a second, guys, I gotta talk to Barney real quick."

She hauled Barney off behind a wall.

"Ooh, 'talk to Barney real quick?'" he said, air quoting. "That's what we're callin' it now?" He began undoing his belt buckle while saying, "If you don't mind, I should probably wash up before-"

That was when Robin smacked him- not too hard, fortunately.

"Owie!" he exclaimed, placing a hand on his cheek. "Robin!"

"I'm sorry, but you are acting crazy," she told him. In a quieter voice, she said, "We can't go off with them."

"Why not?" Barney whined. "Come on, Robin, just let me have this one, please?" He begged, getting onto his knees in desperation. "Look, isn't it miraculous that we found them at all? They could be the last survivors in the city! In the world! If we leave them behind, they could die, but if we go with them, then all of us could build houses, and Quinn and I could bear children, and continue the Stinson bloodline, we could all build campfires, and eat chocolate together, and it would be awesome!"

Robin crossed her arms. "First off, you and Quinn aren't going to bear children."

"Well, yeah, but still-"

"If we go with _them, _we lose our independence, Barney! Think about it- we are like two natural predators out here. We work together without any outer help, and we do it perfectly! Do you really want us to possibly mess that up?"

Barney thought about it for a few minutes. "Yes. Yes, Robin, I really do."

Just as Robin was about to roll her eyes, Barney continued, "Hear me out on this. Before you get angry, know that that's James out there. James Stinson, my blood brother from another father- I couldn't say 'mother' because that wouldn't make sense, but you get it. And…he's family, Robin. If there's one thing I've learned since this whole zombie shebang, it's that family is actually pretty important. I mean, imagine if that were your sister out there."

Robin reflected on that. "Katie's still alive. I literally saw her last week, strangling a zombie with her bare hands. She didn't wanna come with us."

"Right, seems fair. But the point is…James means a lot to me. And this is the one sacrifice it wouldn't hurt for you to make."

Robin looked out at the group of people and one scraggly canine running circles around them. She couldn't find it in herself to say no to Barney.

"Fine. You win this one, Stinson."

"Yessss!" Barney cheered. "Thank you!" He pulled Robin into a quick hug. "I promise you will not regret this!" With those words, he dashed off, yelling, "JAMES! Robin and I are joining up with you!"

Robin smiled a little as she watched them from behind her wall, before her smile faded off into a more worried expression.

"Hope Barney's right," she said to herself.


	9. Marshall's Guardian

Lily was a machine, furiously destroying every hideous creature that crossed her path.

"You think you can kill mama like that? Well you've got another one coming!" With an enraged kick of her boot, she sent the head of one flying in Marshall's direction- the last one.

"Aldrin wins, baby!" she yelled, throwing her arms in the air.

Marshall stood alone, watching every gory scene unfold before his eyes. Years ago, since childhood more accurately, he had marveled at the mere concept of the undead. Zombies had been his thing, a myth that stirred his interest in the same way as aliens, Bigfoot, sea monsters, and basically any other cryptid rumored to exist or ever have existed. Never in a million years, however, had he expected that he'd ever be faced with battling one.

Lily swaggered over to him and scooped up a bloody hatchet from the ground, slinging it over her shoulder like a lumberjack carrying an axe.

"Clean up gets easier and easier," she stated slyly, a devious smile on her face.

"Hey, uh, good job out there," Marshall told her.

"That?" she scoffed. "That was nothing! I'm telling you, baby, those guys get weaker and weaker by the day. You shoulda seen that one before- who knew zombies could fly, am I right?"

"I don't think he flew so much as you ran after him with that hatchet of yours," Marshall stated as they began walking off together.

Lily just shrugged. "Eh, whatever, but in any case, I got him good."

After a few minutes of quiet, Marshall spoke up. "Lily, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course!" They halted walking.

"Okay, um, how can I say this…" Marshall though aloud. "Is this whole zombie thing making you, I don't know, just a little bit crazy?"

Lily didn't respond at first. "Wait, what?"

"Look, ever since this epidemic happened, you've been kind of a brutal killing machine. Don't get me wrong, that's awesome and you're exactly the kind of wife that every man on Earth ever wishing to survive would be blessed to have, but on the same note, you also seem a tiny bit borderline insane."

"Insane?" Lily repeated. "Hey, at least I'm fighting my own battles!"

Marshall crossed his arms. "Really? We're gonna go there now?"

"I mean, I'm sorry, but standing alone while your wife knocks some bad boys down to save you isn't exactly fair," Lily argued. "Have I killed a lot of zombies? Yes. Have I killed more zombies than probably any other survivor in this city? Also yes, but the point is, I fight! Not like you, ya big standalone!"

"Hey, there is a good reason why I don't fight,' Marshall replied defensively. "Actually, there are FIVE good reasons."

"Oh yeah? Name them!" Lily challenged.

"I can't hold my own in battle," Marshall said.

"And?"

"Do you really expect a guy this tall to fight well?"

"Yes, I actually do, but go on."

"I trip easily."

"Lame."

"You're being rude."

"That's not a reason."

"I made a pact with Ted that if I got killed, he would have to cremate me, and, years into the future, sprinkle my ashes in a park somewhere in hopes that I would be able to be regrown and it would be awesome."

"Again, not an excuse!"

"Finally, I'm not good at handling the sight of blood."

Lily paused for a while before saying anything. "Marshall, this is the zombie apocalypse. Zombies are reanimated dead people. Blood is kinda part of the deal. I'm sorry that you're sensitive to blood, but you know what? You gotta learn to fight!"

Marshall looked apprehensive as Lily continued.

"Look, if you think it'll help you any, I'll teach you to be better at zombie killing. Because if you die, well, mama's gonna get awful lonely fast."

"Really?" Marshall asked in disbelief.

"Of course!" Lily answered. "You can say goodbye to your ol' rusty shovels and whatnot. I've got your back. I'll have your back to the end. You're not gonna go down under my watch, I promise."

She smiled warmly.

"Thanks, Lily," Marshall said, and they kissed tenderly.

As they started off again, Marshall asked, "But hypothetically speaking, there is no way you can think of to change the color of blood, is there?"

Lily shook her head, but answered with, "Um, pretend it's ketchup."

Not long into walking, Marshall stumbled upon a manhole- which he normally would not have noticed had this one not had a wallet placed consecutively on top of the grate.

"Huh, that's weird," he commented. "Somebody lost their wallet here."

Lily immediately became wary of the site. This was strange. Suspiciously strange.

"Don't touch it," she warned him.

"Why not? There could be money in there, if I pick it up I should be-"

But the moment he laid a finger on it, the grate opened under his feet, and with a scream, he plummeted several feet underground.

"MARSHALL!" Lily cried. He hit the bottom with a loud splash; all the while Lily panicked and feared he had died or at best been severely injured. Which fortunately, he had not.

"It's okay, I'm fine!" he yelled up at her. "And I got the wallet!"

"Patrice!" a voice coming from nearby exclaimed. "You suck at this!"

The voice belonged to none other than Barney. And Lily recognized it immediately.

"So sorry, Barney, it was only supposed to catch zombies!" Patrice replied worriedly.

"CAN YOU NOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT, PATRICE?!" another voice, this one of Robin's, screeched at her.

Barney wandered into the clearing, huffing annoyed. "Great, now I gotta dig 'em out."

"Barneeeyy!" Lily growled at him.

His eyes widened in joy and shock of seeing her. "Lily! Heyy, I…wasn't expecting you!"

"What is this, some kind of twisted trap?" Lily questioned angrily.

"Well, it's a trap, yeah," Barney replied after a long pause.

"Aren't you guys gonna get me out of here?" Marshall questioned from the sewers.

"Oh, yeah, right, Marshall fell down there," Barney said casually, as if this was absolutely nothing to be concerned about. "Hold on a sec, I'll get a rope to pull ya out!"

"I'll get the guy out." Darren barreled into Barney, knocking him aside and causing him to stumble. "Quinn- rope," he commanded, and reluctantly, Quinn obeyed him and tossed him a long rope that the group had been carrying with them. He slowly lowered it into the hole and Marshall grabbed on.

When Marshall was out, he was soaking wet, naturally, and smelled absolutely horrid, so much that the others nearly fainted.

"Oh my g-" Barney choked, holding his nose and stumbling away. "What did you fall into, crap's crap?"

"Literally I'd say," Robin remarked.

Darren smiled at Marshall. "Hey, the name's Darren," he said, holding out a hand for him to shake. "Nice to meet you."

"You too, and thanks for rescuing me," Marshall responded.

"Eh, it's no problem, bro, I rescue people all the time!" Darren bragged.

"Last week you let a guy practically get eaten alive," Quinn blurted out, to which Darren ignored. "She's lying," he said. "Your name is…?"

"Oh, it's Marshall. And this is Lily." He pointed to Lily, who waved.

"I'm sort of his, uh, guardian angel," she said proudly.

Darren nodded. "Nice. Would you two lovebirds, by any chance, be interested in joining up with us? You know the old saying- there is safety in numbers. The more the merrier."

He hung his arm around Barney's shoulder, making Barney just a bit uneasy. He was unclear on what Darren's intentions were, but the more he looked at the situation, the more he realized that they may not have been good ones.

Marshall looked at Lily for approval, who shrugged.

"Sure, I don't see why not," he said.

Barney cheered at this, however. "Marshall and Lily are comin' with us, high five!" he yelled excitedly, proudly high fiving Robin. "I am SO glad we found you guys. Man, my life is awesome right now! And just think, Ted is missing out on all of this!" His smile slowly faded off into a more worried expression. "Although…I do hope Ted is okay…aw what the heck, I'm sure he's fine!"

"Y'know what?" Darren said. "This, I'm sure, calls for a celebration. You all, follow me!" He headed off, and Barney eagerly trailed behind him.

Toward the back of the line, Robin was a bit concerned. "Is it just me, or is Smiles here suspiciously nice?" she whispered to Lily.

"Just go with it," Lily replied. "He's probably fine."

Robin could not be so sure about that.

* * *

Night was approaching, with none of the pacing it once had as it crept up, like a cat ready to pounce on a helpless mouse. The sky above the city was an eerie blood orange color, yet streaked with smears of purplish-pink here and there. It was serenely beautiful, and Barney watched it as he walked, distracted by the swirl of colors and hoping to find shapes in the clods as well, preferably ones that he could attempt to identify as looking like lady parts, which he could then show to Robin.

The gang arrived at the camp and soon settled in. It became apparent that, very fortunately, Darren had stored up an excess of food. "A dying lady said it was her last wish that I have enough to survive," he claimed, though they, particularly Robin, couldn't help but be a little skeptical at that info and his oddly nice story to boot.

Regardless, there was food- lots of it, and more than they had had in days. Cans upon cans were stacked by one tent, full of fruit, meat (Spam, more accurately), beans, and vegetables.

Darren prepared them a meal of beans and they sat around the campfire together willingly. Dagger, the small dog, was asleep at Barney's feet.

"Can't believe that Ted's missing out on all of this," Marshall commented through a mouthful of food.

"Can't believe you still smell like that," Barney remarked under his breath in disgust, breaking a saltine in half and popping it in his mouth.

"Look, it's not like it's easy for a guy to find a shower out here," Marshall defended. "I mean, come on, it's not like any of us have been super hygienic since this whole zombie thing."

"Yeah, where do you expect us to clean?" Robin asked. "A bathroom sink? A dirty puddle? I haven't shaved in God knows how long, and I feel better than I ever have!"

Awkward looks were received from everyone, and Darren stopped eating.

Barney leaned in and whispered to Robin, "Could you maybe not say that so loudly next time?"

She nodded sheepishly. "Yeah."

"So," Darren said, placing his bowl down. "This Ted guy- he left you all, huh?"

"Yes," Barney said with a snarl. "Well, I mean…not exactly. He encouraged us to split up though. Does that count?"

Darren shrugged. "I don't know. You tell me- was Ted your best friend?"

"Yes," both Marshall and Barney said at once, before Barney was quick to throw in, "But he's my better best friend."

"If he's your best friend, it seems kinda weird that he left you guys, doesn't it?" Darren suggested.

Dead silence followed his words, like a blade cutting through the night air. The only sound to be heard was the soft crackling of the fire and the gentle howl of the breeze. No one knew what to say.

"But, you know, that's not really my business," Darren concluded, and with that, he got up and made his way to his tent.

"Y'know, what if Darren's right?" Lily asked once he had gone. "I mean, I know that Ted's our best friend, but it is a little strange that he suddenly wanted to split like that."

"Maybe Ted's not our best friend," Barney said quietly, his voice and expression noting hints of deeper emotion. "It's not right how compliant he was with just…leaving us behind. Maybe he doesn't care as much as we thought. True best friends come looking. He hasn't." Barney stood up and began walking away.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked.

He turned to face her. "I need some alone time, if that's okay."

She nodded.

* * *

Barney walked for quite some time. Elsewhere, back at the camp, he could be sure the others were asleep, but he couldn't find it in himself to rest.

He patted his pockets, hoping to find an old box of cigarettes, and to his luck, he did. He happily pulled one out and lit it, before choking on the taste.

That is an old cigarette, he thought to himself. It had a cloying, bitter aftertaste that lingered as a stale flavor in his mouth. Smoking did, however, often help him relax, or at the very least collect his thoughts, so he fought through every disgusting second.

"Look, dude, you don't understand."

A voice suddenly came from nowhere, startling Barney enough to cause him to drop his cigarette. He cursed under his breath, but didn't pull out another one- he was now distracted by the random voices he heard from somewhere nearby him.

"These guys can't find out, okay?" the voice continued. "Do whatever you can to make sure they don't. I'm telling you."

Barney peered from behind a tree- Darren? That was who was talking?

"Darren?" he asked himself quietly in shock.

"I gotta go. You figure it out. They cannot find out."

Darren began heading in Barney's direction before Barney had enough time to flee. And he noticed him.

"Oh, hey Barney!" Darren greeted him in an eerily happy voice. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I…um…wanted a smoke," Barney stuttered nervously as he closed up his jacket and slowly began backing away.

"Cool," Darren said. "Hey, you mind if I ask you something?"

"Uh, no, sure, what is it?"

"This."

A cold fist met with Barney's face, and his lights were knocked out.


	10. Zombarney Stinson

The following morning brought thick, heavy fog that rolled in like deathly clouds, suffocating the city. There didn't seem to be a sun- just dark, gloomy grayness where the sun should have been.

Ted seemed exceptionally cheery for the day. Cindy and Tracy both sat on the curb, watching as the man operated a pulley system, lowering down the aerial tent that they had slept on for the night with more enthusiasm than needed.

"And you thought sky-camping was a bad idea," he told Cindy, a smug smile on his face.

"Hey, I never said it was a bad idea," she retorted. "I just said that, come morning, the zombies would all be feasting on our dead bodies. No big deal."

Tracy yawned. "Actually, Ted, you've got some pretty sweet ideas when it comes to survival."

"Thank you, m'lady," Ted replied as he folded the tent and packed it into his oversized duffel bag.

"I mean, the aerial tent thing is, let's face it, a little dorky, but hey, it kept us alive another night."

"Exactly! Ya gotta think outside the box to be a good survivalist- the main rule of boy scouting."

He hitched the bag over his shoulders and started off walking.

"Funny you should mention that," Tracy said. "I, too, was a girl scout when I was younger, and let me tell you, there is more to being a girl scout than just cookies and necklaces. I once went a camping trip that warranted a grizzly bear rescue."

"Wow," Ted responded. "So did you rescue someone from a bear, or did you rescue the bear?"

"Both," Tracy answered. "It was both."

"Understandable.'

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Above, crows flew in the air, cawing their haunting calls. One swooped the ground and grabbed a cockamouse, scooping it in its talons before gulping it down whole- a grisly site indeed that made both Ted and Tracy cringe a little as they stared at it.

The crows were everywhere, and the further they walked,, the more of them there were. There was an unsettling aura of death in the air, of rot and decay, of disease. It made of three of them, even Cindy, the proclaimed tough chick, feel uneasy.

"Tracy, I really wanna find my friends," Ted blurted out. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He had been worrying about them nonstop ever since the group split up, and he wasn't going to stop any time soon.

"I understand," she replied. "Any clue on where they might have headed, or-?"

"No idea, but wherever they are, I hope they're safe," Ted stated, sounding concerned.

Cindy fired her gun, scattering birds aflutter everywhere. "We could always check for tracks," she suggested. "Maybe things left behind and whatnot."

Tracy nodded. "See, there's a good idea! If you don't mind me saying, um, I was always a lil' bit of a detective, so this should be super easy."

"No way!" Ted exclaimed. "I also was!"

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah, borderline professional! I was so good at it that I once scaled a roof to retrieve what I'd found out was my neighbor's cat." He paused. "And then I fell off the roof and got a concussion. But the cat landed on its feet."

Tracy smiled. "Nice."

"Yup, the Teddy Boy's always-" Ted stopped just then. "Whoa." Laying on the ground in front of him was a bloodied piece of fabric, but the blood was still fresh- a concerning sign.

He picked it up and gave it a sniff. "Old Spice," he reported. "A hint of Axe. This is- Oh my God! This is Barney's!"

Tracy and Cindy both gasped.

"Are you sure?" Cindy asked.

"Yeah, Barney always wears that stuff," Ted answered quickly. "He took a whole box with him the day we evacuated. That's his!"

"Then he must be around here," Tracy said grimly. "And who knows in what form."

"Only one way to find out," Ted said, tucking the fabric into his jean pocket. "Ladies, march on!"

* * *

Barney had no recollection of the previous night when he awoke the next morning, on the ground, covered in dirt, grass, and blood. Somehow, he had managed to find his way back to the camp, however, but he was not in good condition. His hair was a frazzled, scruffy mess, his clothes were ragged and torn, and splotches of various filth decorated his body. He collapsed on the ground the minute he got back, instantly getting his friends' attention.

They rushed to him immediately, each naturally shocked. "What happened?" Lily asked, sounding greatly concerned as James made his way over to Barney.

"Zombie bite," were the only words he said.

Collective gasps could be heard around, and Robin grasped Lily's hand for comfort, before trying to convince herself that she was overreacting.

"Now, don't get all freaked out just yet," James told them. "The heronyzactolus virus takes a full 24 hours to fully kick in, which means we've got just that long to save Barney."

"So that's how you pronounce it," Marshall commented softly.

"Is it possible to save him?" Robin questioned.

"Well, yeah," James responded. "Of course, but the cure's not exactly a surefire way to work."

"What is the cure?" Marshall inquired.

"Clean water and salt," James told them.

"Oh."

"Why wouldn't it work?" Robin pressed.

"There's a good chance it'd save his life, but until then and maybe even after, he could have a few zombie like symptoms," James answered casually. "But if you're anything like me, you just wanna keep the little guy alive."

Just then, Barney's eyes flickered open.

"James," he rasped. "Thanks for rescuing me."

"You're welcome."

Barney coughed and rubbed one arm with his other hand. "I feel cold. I think I can see a light," he moaned.

James rolled his eyes. "Look, Barney, you're not dying, I can promise you. Remember what Mom told us- if you can feel your legs and anything above that, you're gonna live."

Barney was silent for a few minutes. "Yeah, you're right, I'm not dying, just wanted to see who I could fool." He winked at Marshall, who responded with, "Always gets me. Don't know how he does that."

"I'm in…kind of a lot of pain right now though," Barney commented. He rubbed the side of his neck, which burned like a blazing fire, and his hand came away drenched in blood. "And, wow, I'm bleeding also. You guys know what happened?"

"Zombie bite," Robin told him. "But apparently you're-"

"Wait a minute, zombie bite?" Barney exclaimed, panicked. "Am I gonna die?"

"That's what I was gonna say before you interrupted," Robin finished. "And to be totally honest, you've got 24 hours until you, well, become a living corpse."

"James, Robin, you guys need to save me!" Barney cried, grabbing onto James's shirt.

"Barney, calm down," James ordered him. "We're gonna save you. I promise. But until then, you need to chill. Stress speeds up bacteria in the bloodstream, and that's the last thing you want."

Barney's eyes went wild, looking away. "Right, right, okay." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Think calming thoughts. Flowing waterfalls. Beautiful flowers. Robin naked."

"And I'm out," Robin declared, heading off as Barney continued ranting from there, spurting out a tangent of wildly inappropriate thoughts.

"Invisbra- why is that not a thing?" he said out loud to himself. "By Stinson- patent pending!"

With the help of Marshall, James escorted Barney to his tent, where he began treating his wounds. They were unlike any he had ever seen before.

The patch on his neck where a zombie had attacked was raw and angry, exposing bloody tissue underneath that looked dangerously red; in the least, highly painful (Barney claimed that the area was numb- and rapidly losing feeling as well, which worried James a bit.)

The spot on the upper part of his arm didn't appear to be much better, as a giant open wound was left where the creature had ripped into flesh, but at least no bone was visible.

James worked on fixing the wounds for a while, until Robin opened the tent with startling news.

"James, um…Darren and Quinn, they're gone.."

"What?" Barney, shocked, lifted his head. "Why?"

"They ditched us?" James said, sounding stunned. "Great. Now I gotta go hunt 'em down."

"What, no, James, you can't go!" Barney exclaimed. "Who's gonna treat me and make sure I don't die?"

"Robin will," James responded as he picked up his gun. "Sorry, Barney, I'll be back, I promise, but right now, I got a score to settle with these traitors." With that, James left the tent, and Barney slammed his head back down with a sigh.


	11. GNB Battle

Robin sat at Barney's side inside of the tent. He was lying on his back, shirtless, the un-wounded arm up under his head.

Robin washed off his face with a damp cloth, then rung it out in a bucket of water. This was the second time so far that she'd had to treat Barney's injuries- he just didn't share the same survival skills that she did, the affinity for taking extra care to keep one's self alive and well on a constant purpose.

But Robin still loved him.. He had weakened a bit since James left, and didn't put up half the fight he would have normally when Robin wrapped the small lacerations strewn across his body like gory tattoos in gauze and tape. He seemed placid, tired, and lethargic in comparison to any other time.

His body felt warm to the touch- abnormally warm, almost as though he was racked with fever, which concerned her a bit. She watched his chest slowly rise and fall with every breath he took. At least he breathed normally, she thought. A good sign. And in his sleep, he looked contented, even reaching for her hand and gently taking it in his.

After treating the open slashes on his neck and shoulders with clean water and salt, just as James had instructed, she wrapped them carefully in cloth bandages. He came to shortly after.

"Robin," he addressed tiredly. "Where's James?"

"He left," she replied. "Went off to find that traitor, Darren. That jerk."

Barney nodded slowly. "Ugh, right. I knew something was up with that guy."

"You knew correctly," Robin responded, sounding utterly disgusted. "Any zombie-like symptoms yet?"

Barney lazily scratched his side with his free hand. "Nah, not really. Although I'm a little hungry. Actually really hungry. Starving!"

Robin reached for the packet of beef jerky near to her. "Here," she said. "James did tell me to give this to you."

Barney's eyes went wide and he snatched the packet from her, then tore into it rabidly and quickly gobbled down the meat. He licked his lips after finishing, closing his eyes and savoring the taste. "Mmm," he hummed to himself. "Thank you!"

Robin pushed her hair back behind her ear, a bit confused by how her husband was acting. "Um, you're welcome."

"Got any more?"

Robin looked around. "Nah, I don't think so."

"It's good, I'll just take the wrapping," Barney said as he began chewing into the red Jack Links package the meat had been encased in before Robin gently removed it from him.

"Uh, Barney, why don't you lay down on your back?" she suggested.

"Wow, really?" he asked with a smile, once again misinterpreting Robin's words. "Should I-"

"So I can treat your wounds," she cut in, and he looked a little less eager. Barney obeyed her, however, and laid back down, closing his eyes. Robin only watched him for a few minutes. Something strange was happening to Barney, slowly but surely. She hoped that James would be back soon…

* * *

Ted checked the compass in his right hand. "We're getting closer to them," he announced. "I can feel it."

Thunder rumbled in the distance as Ted looked on, the heavy wind blowing his mess of hair and adding to the overall dramatic effect of the scene.

It was a gut instinct- he could sense the presence of his friends nearby as he stood majestically atop one of the city's last standing buildings, looking down onto the crumbled remains and desecration below.

"Hey dude," a voice from behind him called. "Don't fall off the roof there!"

Ted turned to see a smiling brown-haired man standing on the rooftop behind him, a relatively young man looking to be in his mid/late 20's. Whoever this was, it startled Ted to see him there- where had he come from?

"Uh, hey," Ted responded as he turned to face the man. "Who are you?"

"The name's Darren," the man answered. "Yours?"

"Ted." He looked back at Darren. "You look a little, uh, jilted- you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Darren was quick to respond. "Hey, listen, Ted, I'm in kind of a situation here. You wouldn't mind lending a guy a hand, would you?" Ted only stared at him for a few seconds before saying anything.

"Yeah, sure, um, whattaya need?"

"To hide," Darren answered quickly. "Can you find me a place?"

Ted smiled. "You've picked the right guy, Darren. Follow me."

* * *

Back at the camp, Barney's symptoms seemed to be progressing- more rapidly than Robin had hoped. His wounds had long been bandaged, but he was now prowling the camp like a wild animal searching for something to eat. When he finally came across a can of beans, he cracked it open and ate it quickly.

Marshall and Lily peered out at him from their tent, unsure of what exactly was happening to the man.

"So should we lend him a hand, or…?" Lily asked Marshall quietly.

Marshall couldn't help but scoff a little. "Yeah, if by lend him a hand you mean lend him your arm as he eats your hand."

Lily cocked her head in confusion, staring at Marshall.

"Because he's a zombie," Marshall added. "He'll probably eat your hand. Then your whole body."

"He's not a zombie, Marshall," Lily responded, sounding as sure as she could though she was beginning to debate such a possibility herself. If his wounds had been treated, however, he would be okay- wouldn't he? Lily didn't want to spend much time thinking otherwise.

Marshall was ever apprehensive. "Really? Not a zombie? Explain that." He gestured back to Barney, who was now moving about with a slow, limping gait as he scoured for food like a mangy stray dog.

"Well…I don't know, he's acted like that before," Lily replied. "You know, like when he's drunk. Maybe he's just disoriented!"

"Only one way to find out," Marshall said, before calling his name. "Hey, Barney!"

Barney turned around, and as Lily expected, his physical appearance had remained normal, save for the minor cuts, scars, and bruises on his face and body. "Yeah?" he answered eagerly, limping over to Lily and Marshall. "What's up?"

Marshall looked him up and down. "How do you feel?"

"Awesome as usual," Barney responded confidently. "And for some reason, oddly hungry." He placed a hand on his stomach as he said the words.

Lily quickly noted that his wound, which had been thoroughly bandaged, was beginning to bleed through the wrapping. "You got a little bandage on your blood there," she teased with a smile.

Barney looked down. "Oh my God, you're right! I'm gonna die, where is Robin?"

"Calm down, you big baby, you'll be fine," Lily said, grabbing him reassuringly. "Hey, as long as you're not half-zombie or anything, like James expected, you'll be okay."

As if by perfect timing, just then, James could be seen from a distance, sprinting as fast as he possibly could and screaming at the top of his lungs as he ran to the camp.

"And speaking of James," Marshall remarked.

Barney was there in a minute. "James, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, kinda," James replied breathlessly. "It's just…there's an enormous mob of zombies back there. And they're headed this direction."

Robin, who just happened to be standing nearby, interjected worriedly, "What are we gonna do? I mean, no offense to Barney, but clearly he's out of the question for fighting, and-"

Barney, of course, cut in with, "Hey! I am not 'out of the question,' Robin. I mean, just cuz I got a few minor scratches, you think that I can't fight? Uh-uh. I can take 'em on. Trust me."

Robin looked down at his wound. "Your bandage is dripping," she told him casually, and Barney noticed, placing a hand on the area to staunch the bleeding.

"I can still take them on!" he insisted before heading into one of the tents to treat himself.

"Okay, since Barney's out of the question," James begun, before his brother impudently shouted out "AM NOT!". James continued. "We need to come up with a plan for the rest of us. Robin, you're good with the guns, so I need you to start loading. Lily, I've seen how you fight, and it is amazing. You could probably take on twelve at a time with just one shovel."

Lily blushed, pushing her hair behind her ears. "Thank you.'

"What am I, chopped liver?" Marshall commented dejectedly.

"Actually, Marshall, I was getting to you," James said. "You can guard Barney, make sure he's safe."

"For the last time, I do not need guarding!" Barney snapped. "Geez!"

"And as for me, I'm getting out the bow and arrow," James told them. "You know how horror movies always show that one guy that doesn't make it out alive? Yeah, I'm not gonna be one of those cases." James headed off to prepare, leaving Marshall and Lily to themselves. Barney emerged from his tent, arm bandaged triple the amount it had been.

"Why does James get the bow and arrow?" he whined.

* * *

Ted had led Darren to the top of the GNB building, which was one of the last fully standing buildings in the city.

"Quite a view from up here," Ted told him. "And totally foolproof. Whoever or whatever you might be hiding from, uh, this is your place."

Darren smiled at Ted, hoping that he was right.

"Don't move another inch or you're dead!" a voice from behind them commanded.

Both Darren and Ted wheeled around, looking straight into the eyes of…Cindy? Again?

"Cindy! What are you doing here?" Ted asked, his voice wavering in slightly more than a little concern.

"Ted, this guy is scamming you," Cindy said. She gripped a large shovel with both hands, should Darren do anything aggressive or sudden.

"You're crazy!" Darren retorted. "I'm not scamming anyone!"

"Wow, you're a liar!" Tracy stepped in, tightly clenching the handle of her folded yellow umbrella and causing even Darren to recoil a little. "You're not fooling anyone, Darren. I can see right through you."

Darren laughed nervously. "Honestly, they're making this up," he told Ted.

"You see that?" Tracy said, pointing to Darren. "That, Ted, is the expression of a liar. Come clean, Darren. I know you're hiding a secret." She held up her umbrella, tip pointed at him. "Look, I don't want to make this bloodier than it has to be- trust me, I've had way more than my fair share of blood this year. But you have to tell us what you're holding back, or I will have to do something that I don't want to." As if to add dramatic effect, thunder rumbled loudly above them, and a few loose raindrops started to fall as the wind picked up.

Darren backed away slightly, not very far from the building's ledge. "Alright. Fine, you caught me redhanded. I guess I was partially responsible for the zombies."

"Wait, what?" Ted was beyond perplexed at this point. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute…what?"

Cindy turned to Tracy. "I told you."

"And?" Tracy pressed.

"It had to do with that weird chick that lived next door to me- Jeanette," Darren continued, and Ted rolled his eyes. It was only natural that Jeanette would somehow tie into this. "She had just moved in and I thought she was kinda hot, so we started talking and one day she gave me this dead rat in a bag, said it was part of some crazy science experiment that she was conducting and for me to throw it away, so I did, obviously, and the next day there were a bunch of cats in the alley down the street lookin' at it, eating it, and I guess the cats somehow spread the disease it was carrying. You happy?"

"Jeanette!" Ted growled out. "I shoulda known it was you!"

"You guys positively cannot tell anyone this though, okay?" Darren finished. "Seriously, don't. Please. Just find me a place to hide, let me stay up here or whatever."

"You think we're not gonna tell anyone?" Cindy scoffed. "Really? You don't think that you need to at least apologize for killing millions of people?"

"It was an accident," Darren countered, to which Cindy snapped, "Accident or not! I'm telling those other guys back there, because they deserve to know!"

"Yeah, Darren!" Ted interjected heatedly. "They do deserve to know, you know why? They're my friends. They've been through literal hell trying to protect themselves, and me, and all of us, and you think that we should just hide your dirty little secret? I don't think so."

Ted was incredibly close to Darren at this point, as even he couldn't help but be riled up at the man's scandalous behavior.

"Ted, I can fling you down there to those zombies if I want to," Darren threatened. "You have two seconds to back away. One…"

"Ted…" Tracy urged.

"Two!"

In a flash of a second, just as Darren was about to push Ted off the edge, Cindy smacked him full-on with her shovel, sending him flying over and into the mob of angry zombies below.

She looked over, feeling accomplished at what she had done, while Ted stepped aside, panting breathlessly.

"Thank you so much!" he told Cindy. "Seriously, I owe you."

"It was nothing, just a little gesture," Cindy responded, smiling smugly.

In the distance, a loud gunshot broke the air, followed by a familiar screaming voice. "I'LL GET YOU, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!"

"That's them!" Ted exclaimed. "That was Robin's voice! Come on!" He started off running, then tripped and faceplanted into the ground.

"You okay?" Tracy asked worriedly.

"I'm good," Ted replied.


	12. The Legendary Team

All hell had begun to break loose back at the camp just as the three arrived.

The scene was a mess- hordes and hordes of the zombies had seized the rest of the gang's campsite, and everyone was trying desperately to ward them off.

Lily had picked up her hatchet, which she used to brutally dismember the horrendous creatures surrounding her. She yanked it from the head of one as it tumbled to the ground, before diving straight into attack of another, planting her hatchet in the zombie's back and lunging on it from behind.

"Holy crap!" Ted exclaimed, but he was so focused on what his friends were doing that he had not paid attention to his closest surroundings.

"Watch out!" Cindy screamed at him, just as a very large zombie was about to sink its teeth into Ted's neck. Ted spun around, attempting to fight it off, but it tightly gripped his wrist and snarled in his face, its breath a cloying odor of rotten flesh and week old crap, as could be expected.

"Can you help me out?" Ted cried, frantically trying to push the monster off of him.

Tracy began to savagely beat it with her folded umbrella, but this one seemed particularly resilient and could not be pried off of his body. Using her classic attack technique, she plunged the tip of her weapon deep into its back, and as the creature let out an angry bellow of pain, Tracy yanked the umbrella out, releasing a spray of blood and knocking the zombie forward.

Cringing in disgust, she wiped the blood from her hands onto her blouse. Now was not the time to be fainthearted.

The fighting slowed just long enough that Marshall spotted Ted. "Ted! What are you doing here?" he exclaimed.

"I'm here to help you guys out, now's not the time to talk about it!" Ted yelled back as he kicked another zombie off of him.

"Oh, now you come to the rescue!" Barney remarked, poking his head out of his tent. "Seriously, Ted?"

"We had to kill a guy that was stalling us, don't judge!" Cindy retorted to Barney, whacking a zombie with her shovel.

"Look, I'm sorry I decided that we should split up!" Ted yelled. "I realize that that was a terrible mistake, but I'm here now! And if I don't make it out alive, I just want you to know…that Darren was kind of the cause of all of this!"

"What?!" Lily gasped as she planted her hatchet into another zombie's back. "So that's why he was so oddly nice!"

"I knew it!" Marshall said. "No one with hair that perfect is trustworthy!"

With a loud bang, two zombies toppled over dead, revealing Robin, who was standing behind them. "Two with one bullet! Yess!" she cheered.

Robin, at this point, was quite a site to behold. Her hair was messy, falling in loose brown locks over her forehead, which was visibly decorated with many scars, bruises, and smudges of dirt and blood. Her tank top, once white, was now thoroughly drenched in blood and flecks of zombie innards, and it clung to her body, hugging her form.

"Oh, hey Ted!" she greeted him casually, dismembering the zombie behind her with the large knife she gripped in her other hand. "Glad you made it.'

It was at that moment that, suddenly, Barney stepped in. An impish look of classic deviousness lit up his face, but it was one that veiled a deeper look of anger and determination within. The fog cleared in his path as he came forward, mouth turned up in an artful half-smile.

He clenched his fists to strengthen his arms, especially the injured one, sending a rush of blood through his veins that powered him. Rolling his head to stretch the muscles in his neck, he looked forward in anticipation.

"Daddy's home, you undead freakshow!" he roared, then ran straight into the mob of readily awaiting zombies.

The others would have stopped him to insure his safety, but he was purely unstoppable. Be it the forces of the undead pumping through his body and heightening both his courage and aggression, or just a random surge of enhanced testosterone he had never found in himself before, he was like a hurricane, tearing the zombies apart with only his bare hands and even biting a few of them.

Robin, Lily, Marshall, and Ted watched in shock, mouths wide at this new form of Barney that just seemed so…un-Barney-like.

When the dust finally cleared, Barney was standing in the middle of it all. He tightly gripped a hammer in his hand- a weapon he had picked up off the ground- as he stood still, chest heaving in and out as his body struggled to gather its breath.

Nonchalantly, he slowly turned back to the rest of the gang. "So, what do you guys think?"

Ted was absolutely stunned. "Whoa," he said. "Just…whoa."

Barney choked out a spurt of blood that he could not be sure came from inside of him, due to an injury, or rather from one of the zombies he'd bitten- a sore mistake, now that he thought of it. "I guess that whole half-zombie deal wasn't just a myth, huh?" he said.

"Guess not," Lily responded flatly.

"And you guys said I was 'out of the question'," he continued, air quoting, smiling cockily. "Barney Stinson, my friends, is never simply 'out of the question.'" He proudly adjusted his torn, bloodied tie, and winked, the scar now formed above his right eye paining him greatly as he did so. "I saved all of your lives back there, b-t-dub. You all should thank me, honestly."

James, who had been previously occupied killing the zombies in another area, approached Barney, bow lowered, and patted his brother on the shoulder. "Nice work, Barney," he said. "Us Stinsons have that fighting spirit, don't we?"

"Indeed we do," Barney answered proudly.

Suddenly, a crackling sound behind them made them all do a quick turn. James raised his bow and Robin her gun, and Marshall attempted to hide behind Lily.

Out walked another zombie, closing in on them quickly. By one glance, Ted could immediately tell who it had once been.

"Darren!" he growled out under his breath.

To their surprise, zombie Darren was quickly impaled from behind by something pointy, which penetrated through his back and exited through his stomach, causing him to fall face forward, dead on the ground.

Tracy had killed him. "I hated that guy when he was alive," she told the rest of them.

There was a slight awkward silence for several minutes as the crows began circling overhead, anticipating their generous feast below as they cawed loudly in excitement.

"Hey guys, what did I miss?" Yet another person previously left unaccounted for joined up with the gang- Patrice. She was holding the scrawny, mangy dog, Dagger, in her arms as she ran out to them.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP US FIGHT, PATRICE?!" Robin, naturally, screamed at her.

"Oh, sorry Robin, Dagger ran away and I had to go find him!" Patrice apologized, still clutching the canine in her arms. "Wow," she said as she realized the gory mess around her. "You guys really had a fight, didn't you?"

"Yes we had a fight, there was like 83 thousand zombies!" Barney cried.

"Barney, chill," James said, stepping in and gently nudging his brother aside. "Patrice, you really could have helped us, but thanks anyway for retrieving Dagger."

James scooped up the dog from the shorter woman's arms and placed him on the ground. "Dagger- stay," he commanded, and Dagger did so.

"So," Ted spoke up, clapping his hands together. "Our camp's destroyed. Where to now?"

No one said anything for a few minutes until Barney interjected. "You know what? I think I know a place. Come on." He led the others off in the direction of MacLaren's as they conversed with each other, making small chat and also bragging about their zombie kills.


End file.
